I just cant anymore- my mental state is horrible

ok so im just going to start this off with some things eating me up right now… I truly do have nothing but anger towards my mom and stepdad, im 18yrs old and they dont let me do anything a 18yr old SHOULD be able to do- i cant go anywhere with friends unless there is an adult (they have met) present, i cant drive with friends, i cant have my phone for more than a few hours a day (4-5 hrs) they dont treat me with the respect a 18yr should be treated with, i have just graduated highschool yet this still happens, they dont let me take ownership of my phone when i have told them i want to pay for it myself multiple time over and over again, i have not been in contact with my ex girlfriend for awhile since i have finally gotten over her, im in a loving happy relationship now, but i still see her on social media liking the same things that are on my feed and i dont know i just feel really weird for liking something on social media that we both like? i dont know if that is common but i feel like i should block her but i dont want to be rude and she recently liked my post i made during my graduation. I struggle with suicidal thoughts but i dont have the will power to do anything that will actually take my life, i just feel like there are only a handful of people in my life who truly help me and give me the love and acceptance i need and they are some close friends, my Gf, and my dad. I’ve taken to songwriting to try and help and surprisingly it does if even only by a little. i just feel like im kept under lock and key by my mother and step dad and i just cant do this anymore… i just want to disappear sometimes in truth… there is also the issue of college, throughout the college acceptance process i feel like everything is piling on and on especially since by this year June 1st i need to have 8 community hrs.’ to still be qualified for my 0 dollar community college fee (which i haven’t started) plus with working a part time job this is even more stressful. i don’t know if something is just wrong with me or what- i want to feel better i want to be better but things rarely succeed for me and it just gets tougher and tougher. i wish i knew what i did wrong in life for all of this to happen to me

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Hey Mist,
EsRivs responded to your post live on YouTube today!
Here is the video so you can watch and hear their reply to you!

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