Hello everyone, I am new here. I have been struggling for the past 2 years now recently everything has been declining. Meaning life itself! I left a 12 yr relationship 3 years ago and started a new one 2.5 years ago. Relationship has been great up until a year ago. I feel like I have completely destroyed the relationship. My way of being is what he tells me, I’m ignorant, no self conscious of life… I feel like all the words have basically consumed me and I truly feel im a worthless person. I just cant leave this person, I beg and cry everytime we have an argument and it tends to go with us splitting up. I have hurt myself several times to feel the pain that I am causing him. I dont see no way out, I dont know how to help myself anymore. I have tried to leave but continue to run back. 
I feel so disgusted with myself that he has told me he isn’t physio attractive to me, he has told me he will eventually cheat if I dont leave. I dont understand why I keep allowing myself to deal with this.
It definitely isn’t you. I’ve been through this same thing. It’s definitely him. What person says they are gonna cheat on you if you don’t leave? You need to love yourself and be selfish or your gonna drive your self crazy. In the end it will be only you. Your blaming yourself too much. What kind of life is that. You need to find happiness. It took me going to therapy and taking the steps to get better so I can love my self again. I also am on a low dosage of meds that keep the edge off and I have never been so strong mentally. I love my self again. I was in a dark place ready to let go. The next day I called around and made an appointment. I’ve never been this strong and happy. Time for a new you that loves them self. Not this unhealthy relationship you are in. Good luck. I’m here if you need me.
Hi friend.
Leaving long term relationships alone can be really hard. I left a 14 year relationship 3 years ago too. And then 2 years ago, found a new one. While it sounds like our new relationships are tough, I can relate to the struggles of letting the previous ones go. Its a hard process.
Nessac, something you should know is, that no matter what mistakes you have made in your relationship, you do not deserve the cruel words that you have been told. I’m not sure what has caused them to say that you are ignorant and have no self conscious of life, but there are certainly better ways of communicating.
In relationships, in order for them to work, we have to be able to both trust and communicate with the person that we are with. Meaning, if there is an issue that is causing some hurt feelings, strain or challenges in the relationship, then sitting down and talking about it respectfully needs to happen.Talking to each other gently about the things that need to be worked on and finding a way to work through it together. It’s good to be honest, but saying that they are no longer attracted to you and they will just cheat on you if you don’t leave is harsh and hurtful. Someone who loves you truly would not be so hurtful.
You don’t deserve to feel so disgusted with yourself. How you look, how much you weigh or even physical disabilities are not things that define or make or break your self worth.
You are NOT a worthless person. You say you can’t leave this person, friend, but it truly sounds like you need to. You don’t deserve to be treated like that and why would you want to stay with someone who doesn’t feel physically attracted to you and is threatening to cheat on you if you don’t leave? You deserve so much more than that. Don’t trap yourself in such a hurtful place. I know letting go of people that you cared for is hard. But you will feel so much better if you allow yourself to let go of that, heal and move forward. You’ll look back and be grateful that you got away from it.
Like Mooseman said, you are blaming yourself too much. That is no way too live. It’s miserable and unhappy. Its trapping.
I hope that you find the strength to get away from that relationship my friend. Because you deserve to do that for yourself. To do what is healthy and good for you. To take care of yourself. Look out for yourself and let go of anyone that doesn’t respect you, your body and who you are.
Sending you a lot of love.
- Kitty
Oh, also. Here is a link to some resources that could potentially be of use to you. I encourage you to look through them and see if maybe something here could be of help. Whether it’s one of the books, like Dwarf Planet or trying the 7 day free trial of online counseling through BetterHelp. Even if it’s just 7 days, that 7 days can make a huge difference. I used it, and honestly, having access to just text and reach out to someone that is specifically assigned to listen, helped a lot. You can even schedule a voice chat.
Check that out. <3
Know that you are loved and you matter.