I just can't

[Moon]

I got like 4 hours of sleep last night then this morning my dad slaps my mom with a paper towel because she misunderstood him while they were talking then he bitches he didn’t hit her and laughs…so much laughing then claims he did but didn’t leave any marks so more laughing
Then my mom says she won’t call the cops…no only if he hit her a second time she would…of course he didn’t
My family already in a broken state this morning I then tell my mom I bought anime stickers for like 23 bucks on top of yesterday my water bottle, some snacks and fucking soap for my bathroom

She then bitches that they (my parents) don’t have money and that they spend so much money on gas and it’s killing them…I then repeatedly have to say “it’s. My. Money” and that I agreed to pay for a month of gas next month when I’m paid!!
Then after a lot of fighting my dad comes in my room says “oh go ahead and order it but I’m telling you we are out of money and can’t keep doing this” then when I again say “I did. It’s my money so I bought what I wanted! It’s my money I buy my own stuff!” It turns into a massive fight and he storms out

I work retail…I go through a costum made hell made by the devil and it’s father daily…my feet die over a thousand times to the point I’m taking a bottle of generic kids pain killer (cause I don’t swallow pills) daily…I leave my 8 hour shift and can hardly walk I struggle to leave the car and have to lean on so many things just to get inside the house then I have to ask my parents who then bitch about me being lazy and that why can’t I do it and are my legs broke? No so do it yourself to please reheat dinner and get me a glass of something to drink

I’m so unstable walking due to pain or numbness I have to lean on anything or I lay in my bed and don’t go anywhere because I physically don’t feel like the deaths of hell stabbing my feet to there death would be fun or I’m too scared to walk

I go through this daily and when I spend my money which I very much earned my family bitches about there finances there money there gas there grocery bill there running out of money they can’t handle it there going broke…I do not spend there money besides gas…everything else I buy is via my money that I tell my mother take out of my savings

I’m sick…I’m tired…I’m physically shaking and my eyes are bloodshot and red from crying and I just can’t handle this anymore I don’t wanna work today but I need my pay

Oh…I take too long ‘2 minutes late’ to the car and tell my mother I’m having a mental break down she just tells me oh…well…quit your job then and when I claim no there the two psychos pushing me to there my mother just says “oh well I’m having a bad day too”

Bad day? No mom it’s not dad hit you so you had a little wreck and now everything is fine and then my dad laughed and said I have a headache from stress and gasoline

Neither of them understand nor do they give a fuck about me it’s like I’m some kind of emotionless human to them and that anything they do or say can’t hurt…can’t throw me to a break down…can’t make me lose it

[Sita]

Oh this sounds like a daily emotional roller coaster.
For the feet, have you ever tried like a gel insole or insert for your shoes? Maybe that can give you some relief, it sounds like a lot of intense physical pain.

It sounds like there’s a lot of confusion at home in terms of finances. Your mom being hit is no light or laughing matter. Your dad doing so is not right.

Do you contribute to the family? Who buys the groceries you use, etc? Do you pay rent? They pay for gas, so I assume you pay for the upkeep of the vehicle?

I hear how tired and in pain you are from standing all day long. And I get wanting someone to help you when you get home by asking for water and food. But tone matters too when we’re asking someone to help us. We can’t demand it, they’re not paid workers who are there to serve us, but our family members, who also may have had a hard day too, just hard in a different way.

Essentially what I’m saying is that when things are hard for us, we can get tunnel vision, and we think our reality of what “hard” is is the hardest one, and if others aren’t hurting/suffering/struggling the way we are, then it must not be that bad for them, and they shouldn’t complain.
Being short of funds is an incredible strain, being in pain from work is an incredible strain, being the victim of dv is a strain. It sounds like everyone here is hurting, and it’s hard to be loving and supportive when all you’re feeling is pain.

I hope that you can somehow be able to take a few minutes a day to be able to breathe and care for yourself. Keep writing here, keep sharing, and I hope it brings you so mental relief.

You matter friend!

[Moon]

Suffer pain that feels worse then death via my feet and then go home and suffer mentally…yeah daily roller coaster
I did try those…they failed I bought new Sketches that are thick at the bottom they help up until the last 2 hours of my shift, then it’s a pain I could only describe as worse than death my family just constantly says “oh you need to get used to being on your feet!” and “we can’t buy another pair of shoes! we dont’ have the damn money!”…when I don’t bring up another damn pair of shoes all I say is “my feet feel like death or hammers were dropped on them” “my feet are very VERY sore”…all three of those don’t mention ‘hey buy me a new pair of shoes’ or ask for ones either!

We have a shared bank account (I regret being talked into for it) and now that I have a job I get paid so, my mother just in a way ‘separate’ everything so my finances are not involved with there’s…it was suppose to be that way but apparently not? like whatever the fuck I buy even a 11 dollar water bottle they just bitch and scream about not having money, gas spending, stretching money till end of the month ‘we can’t afford it’…I pay for stuff with my own card not either of there’s!

My dad is kind of a psycho…it’s like everything is all sunshine and rainbow but you ‘call him a liar’ aka you misunderstand what he says or you say something in a ‘wrong tone’ of voice (when…I speak in my normal tone of voice) it’s like a light switch gets flipped and he’s just instant pissed the fk off and starts yelling and screaming at you then when he does that ‘little kid is in trouble parent deep voice thing’ he says “don’t you raise your voice at me!” repeats it and then if you don’t suddenly shut the fuck up then he either apparently will hit you or ‘pretend’ the raise your hand and swing it down at a person but you never actually lay a hand on the person type of thing to strike fear into a person

I pay for gas and while I can understand that’s pretty little my job does not pay a lot…like anywhere both near me and where I work I cannot afford a single rental place even a studio apartment it’s just too much for my monthly pay

I’m not really sure my suffering is tunnel vision…my mom does struggle with my dad but give it maybe 10 minutes or so and suddenly she’s all fine again or she just takes it out on me and I tried so many times even in the past to try and just have her understand ‘hey I’m putting her (me) through a lot right now’ and she just doesn’t…if I say something like “your making me want to kill myself! I rather die then be with this family” she just tells me “oh don’t talk like that or they will put you in the funny farm!! (mental house)”

Even when we were in the store after I had talked to my boss and she gave me the day off I overheard my mom say “I want to get out of here she’s not feeling good”…I’m not sick via some kind of virus…I’m mentally broken, exhausted and I’m at the end of my rope with my family…they view me as though I’m this unbreakable emotionless human that keep mentally stabbing over and over and…it’s just fine…nothing is wrong with it

I understand we don’t have money but here is the thing…I have a job that pays money and I already receive checks from my job so I very much have my own money…my own money that I buy stuff with because I want it or need it and it does not come from my family money it comes from my own

so paying like 4 bucks for a pizza because I want one they have to bitch about the cost of gas, putting miles on the car, possibly selling my dad truck and getting a new car and that comes with a new car payment that would just take so long to pay off and don’t have the fund for any of those things, how much we spend on gas, that we are running out of money, that we are trying to stretch it till the end of the month…just…WHY?! it’s 4 dollars for a pizza that I PAID MYSELF so why do I have to hear that and it’s every day!! it’s everyday I spend money on something and have to hear this!

it is so mentally stress-inducing and exhausting that I can’t handle it. hell I had to explain it all to my boss while balling my eyes out as for why I couldn’t handle working today because my own family has just mentally broken me

I just don’t understand how my family can push me to the point I’m mentally just broken and then complain about me wanting/having to miss work…like YOU (my own family) is the damn cause?!