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I just don’t know anymore

I was happy until I started high school then things started going downhill, on my first day my 22 year old cousin died, then I started to get depressed, no one noticed (they never have and probably never will). After a few months rumours started going around school about me which made stuff worse, these lasted for months, maybe a year before they died down. The next year of high school wasn’t much better, I was going through stress of everything happening and then my only friend moved away leaving me alone, I ended up taking my stress out on myself. The next year (which is now) I ended up in councilling for anxiety which isn’t helping at all, and my brother started calling me things saying that I’m fat and stuff like that, so I started skipping meals.

I used to be able to look at my idols and look at how they got through stuff like this (my biggest inspiration is Ricky Olson) but I can’t seem to look at the positives about anything anymore. I just don’t know what to do.

Don’t listen to your brother, he lies. We see the truth. You didn’t deserve all that shit on high school. It won’t always be like this friend. I’m so proud of you for making it through all that. You aren’t broken yet. Hold fast, let your voice be proud, fallen angel.
We are here for you always.