I can feel the dryness of my mouth right now, and everything seems vivid, or more realistic than normal. I don’t feel anything right now, despite that I should be doing a final right now… I just don’t feel anything, not empty… just nothing. I didn’t really eat anything today, just forced two pop tarts down for breakfast (Which never fills me up), and forced 4 pieces of chicken down my throat. Today is my last day of school, it ends in about 45 minutes, but I don’t really feel anything when I think about that too though… is this just shock? I kind of wish I knew what was going on with me, I am feeling dizzy when I walk around, but I don’t think its that big of a deal.
Got into a big fight with Dad last night, told me he was going to send me to the one place I hate… My moms. He always says I look Broken whenever I come back from there… I don’t know. He then changed his mind and told me he was going to let me decide when I got off of work. My work clothes were wet though, he said that I pretty much deserved it for being a huge ass and brat. I come off work, and he is perfect, normal dad you see on TV. The reason why I hate going here, to my moms… there was Cat shit everywhere (Her Cat got Pregnant), the place was a dump. I don’t even like looking at my mom. She looks horrible, and I think the reason why is she is taking drugs. She is always wearing this revealing trashy clothes… It just embarrasses me to just see it. I Kinda feel something when I write that, but I don’t really know… I just know I’m probably going to have to go there. I can’t stay at my dad’s, but I will have to talk to my Mom about Band and Work… She is probably going to jack me around like she usually does. The only thing towards kids that my Mom seems to care about is one of her step children. I am not exaggerating when I say this, my brothers birthday was a couple of days ago, and she wouldn’t do anything for him, said she had to do things with Layla (The step Child), and tried forcing my Dad to do something for him and the other kids so she could take Layla out. Both places I live same to be in Hell sometimes, and I’m just really close to killing myself. Maybe that’s why I am feeling nothing… I’m preparing to die. Will I really kill Myself? I don’t know, Probably? Who knows, maybe I’m just saying this to fuck with people, to have them get as far away as possible from me.
I don’t really want to be alive right now, to sum up everything up there.
That’s all