I just had the best day of my life and now I am here

HeartSupport Support
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So recently I had the best day of my life and I was so freaking amazed that people actually cared about me and knew me; I went to Warped on Wednesday and I got to meet some HS people that are my friends and it was so so amazing to actually be in the presence of these amazing people that I am so blessed to have in my life.

I didn’t even think that certain people knew my name or who I was- and I was kind of just speechless that people were actually excited to see me. I am still really surprised because I jus never saw it like these people do- like the way I see it is I’m just sitting on my computer at home trying my best- and then someone says I’ve saved a lot of lives and I just am speechless. I never really understood how much my actions affect people.

Literally that day was the best day of my life-

I was walking around and my favorite band was literally just right there getting lunch and I just kind of stared and fangirled to myself-- and then my sister pushed me to like go say hi and I did and it was amazing and oh my gosh I am fangirling just remembering it. THEN I got to meet them later and JOHN (I am talking about a band called The Maine) REMEMBERED ME AND I MADE THEM ART AND THEY LOVED IT AND WE TOOK A PICTURE AND MAN IT WAS FREAKING AWESOME.

I also got to volunteer at the HS tent- which I didn’t sign up to do but I did it anyway and I felt sooooooooooooooo awkward when I first got there because- I never did anything like that before and I am just used to helping people online and it was just really awkward for me to have to reach out and start the conversation. Then I switched places with Matt and sat at the table and it was easier and his wife was there and I just felt great. I only talked to like 5 people but it was totally worth it- 5 people is better than none.

All in all- this final Warped tour date was the literal best day of my life.

I met two of my friends I met from Heart Support and on the internet in general in real life for the first time. I got more and gave more hugs to people than I had in the past year, I finally was faced with how important my life is, and how my actions and words do help people.

The only thing is right now is really hard, and I wish I could explain why. I just feel myself falling back into darkness and it just sucks- since so much good has happened I thought I would get better, but it’s just another negative slope on the graph of my life. I feel like I shouldn’t talk about the things that are othering me- or I just don’t want to- because I know that a lot of people are struggling right now and don’t need my problems on top of what they are going through. Although I had this day right now I sit here feeling worthless and like I won’t get anywhere. I wanted this post to be just a happy one because I don’t want people to think I’m not grateful for my experiences or whatever.

Some people just live their life- they take risks and venture out. I feel like I’m never going to achieve that- or achieve my dreams. Sometimes I don’t know why I even try.

I see my friends struggling and I can’t even help them. I get mad at myself because I can’t help. I am falling into self hate and I just feel like this is a battle that I’m never going to win. I feel like I don’t have a reason to keep trying anymore. And it sucks because I should be ok by now. I should be better. But I’m not.

I should be able to get through things alone, I shouldn’t have to bother people with my issues.

I understand that only I can solve my problems. I am just at a loss. I wish I could explain better.

My life is consumed with jealousy and self hatred and I don’t really feel like I’ll ever be able to overcome it. I don’t think I’ll ever become less shy. I don’t believe I will ever overcome my anxiety- I hit good points and then I crash again and again and again.

Recently I’ve just been feeling ok with just letting fate decide my life- I’ve felt worthless because I have to take medication to feel ok- and then I still don’t feel ok half the time. Sometimes I just feel like it would be easier to just let the waves take me and I’ll be wherever I land. I am just really sick of fighting everything. I am sick of just falling victim to what others say. I feel like I’m just not strong enough to get through this.

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Hey @Lyss!
Thank you so much for sharing this.
I can truly understand how do you feel now. I’ve been in the same position. Wanting so much to help people but could not do it, because I just wasn’t good enough.
It is something beautiful and It’s admirable to know it’s one of your main concerns: To be able to help people.
Well, there’s something about it you need to learn first, and that my friend is what you’re just realizing now: It is ok to ask for help, for understanding, for support.
I was always hiding my feelings and my problems, had so many bad days in the loneliness of my room, and it was because I didn’t want to bother anyone, to give people around me another problem to worry about. But it doesn’t have to be like that. Asking for help is the wisest choice you can make. it’s the first step in the most important part of self care: Those things you just don’t know how to handle.

And It’s not a motive of shame to not know that.

You have right to try, to fail, to rise from your ashes and to get up from the mistakes you have made. No one does his or her life without mistakes. It’s okay to be wrong, to fail, to not know about love, school, social life or work. It’s part of your journey through this world to learn how to deal with things and there’s nothing better for that than asking for help.

You have the strength and the will, one can see it in your actions. It’s importat you to know that In your struggles, we are here with you, and we will support you and help you in what we can. This is a fight you don’t need to take alone.

So before putting all your guts on the beautiful task of helping everyone. First, with no fear or shame, be wise, be brave and strong and ask for help. You will see how we, together will overcome this.

Hold fast.

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Dearest @Lyss

First I know we talk so much and you do so much for me and you help so many people. I am so glad that you had a wonderful day at warped tour. You really deserved that wonderful day. I was so happy to get to hear all about it.
So I want to touch on some very important things throughout your post.

Friend yes others are struggling but that does not make you any less valued or loved. Your struggles are just as important has anyone else. You arent any less deserving of that support. Remember how much you are loved in those moment. I know just how hard it is to get stuck in your head with thoughts and them running wild but I want to encourage you that what you are struggling through is just as important as another.

You shared a point I want to say is a lie. YOU DO HELP. You do make a difference you can listen and that is more than enough. You can help them know that they are not alone and that is more than nothing and not being able to help. Friend you are beyond helpful. You do save people you bring joy to my life and many others.

You are not a failure. And it is okay to take medication to feel okay. NO HUMAN CAN FUNCTION WITHOUT MEDS honestly. And let me say this if there is meds that help you than keep with them because they help. That is like saying to a deaf person dont wear hearing aid because it makes you hear. That is pointless friend. I love you but I will tell you if it helps than do it. You are strong enough to get through this. Do not believe that lie.

Friend i love you so much

Hold fast
Ash

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Love you Lys. I’m proud of you. You are strong. You’re fighting a hard battle right now but just know you’re not alone. We believe in you.

Hold fast
Kayla

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@Lyss, you beautiful person, you. Thank you for sharing.

I’m so glad you were able to go to WT and have such awesome experiences. It sounds like you had an amazing time. I’m still bummed that the gal I saw that looked like you in Detroit wasn’t you! I would have hugged you so big.

I’m sorry that it feels like things are crashing right now. That’s never a fun feeling. It sounds a little like you’re beating yourself up over stuff we all experience, whether frequently or only occasionally. I know that I have days that I don’t feel like I can venture out. Other days are okay. That doesn’t make me a failure - and it doesn’t make you a failure either. It just means that you’re human and doing the best you can. Also, you’re not a bother, at all. You’re asking for the same support every one of us is here asking for, and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

It’ll take some time and some work for things to be okay. I can’t tell you exactly how much time and how much or what kind of work it will take. What I can tell you is that you aren’t alone, you are very loved, and you matter. Don’t let others bring you down. Keep talking to us, we’re listening. You are strong, and you are enough. Hold fast.

<3 AnitaBandaid

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Hi friend

I’m so glad you had a good warped experience! I love the maine as well. As far as self hatred goes, It took myself a long time to get passed that feeling myself . thats something you just have to keep working on. But I believe in you and I think you just gotta believe in yourself a little more. You are capable of doing amazing things. I just started working for an online magazine doing music/concert reviews and I did my first interview and I was so nervous but I believed in myself and I got the job done and kept my cool as well. and doing reviews was my childhood dream and now look. if there is something you wanna do bad enough , you will find a way to do it. keep pushing a long friend. I believe in you. you are strong. Imma finish my message on messenger cause I dont want this one to get too long. haha

sending positive vibes

Alyssa

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Hey @Lyss,

I’m so glad to hear that you had such a fun time at Warped!! Unfortunately I couldn’t make it this year (go figure, the last year) so I’ll have to live through you on this one!

Unfortunately when happiness takes the front seat, sadness takes the backseat, so although sadness isn’t driving, it’s still in the car (at least for me). In other words, even though on some days I’m really happy, I know that depression might eventually return, so I’ll take the time in my good mindset to develop a plan to execute if/when I slip back into depression (because it can be a LOT harder to develop a plan when you’re basking in sadness). Right now you’re in a valley and we’re right there alongside you to help you, and when you get back on top of the mountain, be mindful of what struggles might lie ahead and use the time of happiness to develop your plan.

One of the reasons why I’m taking a risk by chasing my dreams is that I know that one day I’ll be on my death bed with my biggest regret being “I didn’t even try.” Saying, “I tried and I failed” is 10x more of a man/woman than those who say “What if?” because “What if?” never won.

Your heart for your friends is amazing, but please be careful not to put their burdens on your shoulders. I made the same mistake when my family was falling apart and my parents were separating - I put everything on my shoulders and eventually collapsed. Be mindful of your friends and offer assistance when needed, but try not to put all of their burdens onto your shoulders, because it can be really, really heavy.

When I was in high school, I said the same thing. I grew up with extremist-introverted parents and grew up very shy. I learned that I enjoyed the extroverted life more (which is subjective), and practiced on my social skills by constantly getting out of my comfort zone and placing myself into social situations. Life begins outside of your comfort zone. There is nothing wrong with being shy, but if you want to be more talkative, it’ll take practice because re-wiring your brain doesn’t happen over night. Fast-forward to 2018 and I’m relatively satisfied with my social skills. Practice makes perfect!

I hoped some of this helped, friend. Please keep us updated.

-Eric

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Hey Lyss,

I am so glad to read this update from you. About the Warped Tour part and volunteering at the HS tent, I am so, so happy for you that you could be there and experience all the love and joy, and for all the people that got to meet you.

^This part in particular just put on a smile on my face, because your life is so incredibly important, just because you’re you, and your presence is valued and loved. I’m glad you got to experience the truth that you are important! You are so strong and courageous, and I know that everyone in the HS community just sees and admires that.

I also wanted to thank you for still choosing to be vulnerable and sharing about your struggles in this post. Sharing about the darkness you face in life is never easy, and it’s a lot to try and explain. I’m sure as much as one day was amazing and just full of happiness, it doesn’t guarantee the next day will feel the same, and that’s really tough. You are doing the best you can, and that’s more than enough friend.

You have such high standards for yourself and expect so much from yourself (not in a bad way, but maybe a self-pressuring way perhaps?), and I just want you to know that we’re here to get through things with you, it’s why we have community! And we want to hear all the issues out and support you the best we can.

We’re here to celebrate the good times with you, and to be there when the crashes happen, no judgement. You are so loved m’dear- please know that. Keep holding fast.

Sincerely,
Alex

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