I was really trying to stay positive; I thought I’d turned a page the last couple of days and was feeling less miserable, hopeless and having far less suicidal thoughts.
Tonight I feel like I’m back to square one.
I just don’t know what to do anymore, no matter the path I take or improvements I attempt to accomplish - it just seems as if it’s destined for me to just end it all.
I feel like there isn’t anything worth living for in my life and so I decided to write a suicide note tonight just incase.
I saw you responding here and there, and didn’t want to disturb you or trigger you in any way, in regards of your other post.
Ups and downs happen. You certainly have to accept that suicidal thoughts can come back and forth. And that’s okay. It’s only thoughts at this point. And you always have some control over how much impact you let those thoughts having on you. You don’t need this suicidal note. But I hope that, somehow, it has been like a catharsis to you to write it.
It takes time, friend. A couple of days feeling okay is already excellent. Even if, I understand, it’s frustrating to feel like you’re doomed to be drained and you hit the same walls. I shared to you before some exercises that are here on the Support Wall, to reflect on yourself and see what could be your next step to help you feel better. I’d like to encourage you again to have a look at those.
Do you think something helped in particular to feel less hopeless these days? Maybe you can observe and learn something from it, so you keep building some foundations for yourself.
Stay safe, okay? You’re not back at square one. Even if it feels like this. You’re always progressing even if you don’t see it now.
I’m sorry you feel this way right now. I personally know it as well. All to well unfortunately. I’ve had days, weeks or sometimes months where I felt positive or good about myself but also had a lingering fear that the suicidal thoughts and feeling would come back and unfortunately they tend to eventually.
For many years I didn’t recognize the things that triggered me to feel depressed and suicidal. Maybe something at work or with friends etc etc the list goes on. Something I did come to realize though is eventually even though these feelings always came back I also got rid of them faster and faster over the years (many years). Sometimes I would feel like I wanted to end it for months, or weeks. But it slowly progressed into being able to feel better in days or hours. Its a process and its not perfect but it’s one that you’re probably better at already then you realize.
Life isnt a race even though we are normally made to feel that way. Its tough when we compare ourselves to others. Something I’m personally guilty of and is a major trigger for my depression.
Give yourself time and you will find your place. Sometimes it will feel like you have nothing worth living for but you don’t realize that others find value in you living.
Please reach out to a crisis line if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
And while I’ve personally always disliked when someone told me things will get better. The truth is that things WILL get better and then things will go down and then back up. That is life and you wont always feel equipped to deal with that and that’s ok. You’re stronger then you give yourself credit for. Get through the bad times even if they feel hard and really try to enjoy the good times when they show up. You’ll get better at both over time. But you need to be here to be able to do that.
Please stay safe. You’re worthy of living and love. Drop us a message back here and let us know if things get better or worse. Were all rooting for you
Only downs from now on. tried to make a positive impact on my life but again thrown back in my face, abandoned and on my own to deal with it.
i’m completely sick of living now, tired of feeling like this and I’ve completely had enough.
I hate everyone and everything around me and I’m just not doing it anymore.
Thankfully I’ve written that note and I fully intend to go through with it.
I appreciate people have offered their opinions and thought it would be the decent thing to do to leave a last message as thanks.
I’m so sorry that you feel that you have lost progress. It takes a lot to reach out when you feel discouraged in a time as such. I am here to tell you that it is all part of the journey: ups and downs. There will be times when you are on top of the world and making major gains. Other times you will get knocked down and it will begin to spiral you. There is one thing that I find solace in when dealing with this: neither one is permanent. The bad times will go away and you will make it through. Likewise, you should cherish the good times because they are equally as real.
I am coming off a 9 month episode with my anxiety where it was out of control and took me to the same lows very frequently. I didn’t know what to do and was defeated. I basically gave up on everything, but decided to go through the motions anyways. It has been 2 weeks and I have been doing nothing but fighting for it. Everyday is not all bad because there are a lot of good collective moments. Everyday brings me a multiple different feelings and thoughts that are good and bad. But I am learning to embrace them and continue trying to improve yourself regardless how you feel.
I know it seems like there is no way out, but you gotta keep fighting. You will make it through this. You matter to us and we are here to help you through any way we can.
thanks for the response,
Things will not get better now for me. I have made my plans, made my peace and intend to follow through with it. I tried and its never enough; wont be missed have no friends, no partner and family don’t care.
I’m unlikely to post again for obvious reasons.
hope you find your peace.
I was replying to those who have taken the time and kindly left advise with my truthful response and intentions out of decency.
If you don’t like my response or post then you’re not obligated to read or reply to them.
I have read any advice given, mostly really good and made my decision based on what I believe and made my intentions clear - It is my own life and my decision and is within the laws of my country.
I have also thanked those who have offered their advice who have posted on both this post and others that I have made because it is important to me, regardless of what I’m going to do with my own life; I will always be polite.
