Everyday I wish for something to happen to me. An accident or a terminal illness out of nowhere so that I can just leave this place. I just feel so worthless and dumb. I feel like I don’t belong here and that I’m a definite mistake! I don’t see anything going right for me especially my college. I feel like I can’t study anymore and that I’m too stupid to grasp anything. I just started but I can’t get out coz of the tuition so I can’t wait for the semester to end already. I just want out. I feel like a total failure and let my family down. I have a job I hate as well that doesn’t even pay well too. I just hope that I sleep and don’t wake up again
I have definitely felt this way before. I hear you. When everything compounds and gets super heavy, it can feel overwhelming and make us feel like death is the only escape. I feel this more often than I’d like to admit, but keep leaning on those who love you for support when the crap piles. I am glad that you posted and shared your honest feelings, its important. I’m glad to be here for you and be a listening ear as many others are as well.
I screwed up an entire semester where I flunked out in my undergrad, wasted thousands of dollars and will have the debt to pay still to my loan companies. But, things didn’t end there. I took the L, took time off, got a counselor and some mental health meds, and eventually re-enrolled and nailed those next classes. Idk you situation, but I’m hoping something similar can happen to help you move forward and feel a little better for the time being. You deserve life, love, and a chance to start over. I’m proud of you for being vulnerable and sharing a piece of your life publicly here, and still trying in school and work. That’s huge. I believe in you. I hope you do wake up and we can continue seeing you around this community, friend. You matter, you are loved, you are needed. Hold fast.