I don’t feel like I exist. It’s an absolutely terrifying feeling. I go through each day, one after the other, just floating from task to task, thing to thing. It’s like I’m watching a movie screen - I know what’s going on around me, but I’m not in it. I’m not involved. I’ve been suffering from this for almost 2 years - it all stemmed from a severe bout of insomnia and anxiety. I’ve also struggled with chronic depression, anxiety, and PTSD for well over a decade.
I feel like I’m not going to make it. Each day is a battle. I wake up and consider leaving my job just up and quitting everything, but I just can’t, I have to keep going. My boyfriend and I are purchasing a house in a few months and I have to push myself. I’ve talked to him and he understands but I don’t want to burden him too much because he is already stressed about the big move.
I need to make it to Monday. My plan is to speak with my therapist and/or psychiatrist then and maybe get some longer term inpatient care. I don’t know where else to turn. I am terrified because I will have to speak to my work and hope I don’t lose my job, speak to my boyfriend, speak to my freelance clients. It feels like absolute chaos. I want to scream. Cry. Sleep. Run away. I feel out of control.
If you have any tips or tricks to making it, I would appreciate some guidance. Or even some words of positivity. I have lost the light at the end of this tunnel and I’m honestly losing hope.