I don’t feel like I exist. It’s an absolutely terrifying feeling. I go through each day, one after the other, just floating from task to task, thing to thing. It’s like I’m watching a movie screen - I know what’s going on around me, but I’m not in it. I’m not involved. I’ve been suffering from this for almost 2 years - it all stemmed from a severe bout of insomnia and anxiety. I’ve also struggled with chronic depression, anxiety, and PTSD for well over a decade.
I feel like I’m not going to make it. Each day is a battle. I wake up and consider leaving my job just up and quitting everything, but I just can’t, I have to keep going. My boyfriend and I are purchasing a house in a few months and I have to push myself. I’ve talked to him and he understands but I don’t want to burden him too much because he is already stressed about the big move.
I need to make it to Monday. My plan is to speak with my therapist and/or psychiatrist then and maybe get some longer term inpatient care. I don’t know where else to turn. I am terrified because I will have to speak to my work and hope I don’t lose my job, speak to my boyfriend, speak to my freelance clients. It feels like absolute chaos. I want to scream. Cry. Sleep. Run away. I feel out of control.
If you have any tips or tricks to making it, I would appreciate some guidance. Or even some words of positivity. I have lost the light at the end of this tunnel and I’m honestly losing hope.
You are brave, you are strong, you’ll get there. You already have a really great plan! Talking to your therapist, sharing with your boyfriend, the projects you have with him. That’s awesome! You’ve been struggling for a long time and you’ve been really strong. You already made huge steps and there’s no doubt you’ll overcome this.
Anyone would be stressed in this situation, but I want you to know that you’re not alone. If you need to scream, scream. If you need to cry, cry. If you need to sleep, sleep. But also keep reaching out, keep trying to surround yourself with things that makes you feel safe and comfortable. What do you enjoy? How about planning some activities, especially for hours of the day when you tend to struggle more? Having a walk somewhere you like, cooking a dinner you particularly enjoy, watching your favorite tv show/movie, writing what’s going on in your mind just to vent a bit, having a long bath or shower and using creams with scents you enjoy… Try to make a list of what could help you to stay focused, to get some breaths, to rest or to vent. It could always be useful. Even if you don’t feel motivated, maybe give it a try at least for a few minutes and then you’ll decide if you stop or if you keep going on. Monday will arrive sooner than you think.
Also don’t hesitate to join us on Discord if you’re not already there! You can have replies more directly.
You’re not out of control. But you’ll need to take care of you in times to come. It’s not an easy thing to reach out and I sincerely hope they’ll be understanding at your workplace. But whatever happen, you’re gonna do what you have to and what is right. Because your health is a priority. And you’re not a burden at all for reaching out.
You’re doing great, friend. You’re gonna make it. Hold fast.
