I’m struggling to make it through this week with a positive attitude. I just feel like all the little things are adding up and it’s getting hard for me to keep up.
I took last Thursday and Friday off work because I was looking for reasons to use some extra time off I had and figured I’d stay up late to try to get at least 1 PS5 on release. That failed. Then I didn’t take Benadryl to help me sleep/prevent sinus issues (my landlords don’t take care of the ventilation in my apartment and even with 3 air purifiers, I need to take allergy medicine). I woke up Thursday feeling very sick and exhausted.
I texted my brother to see how I could help invest in his new business Thursday, and he came over that morning. I told him I couldn’t do what he originally requested (he wanted me to finance a $1300 piece of equipment for him, and I would have but I’m trying to save for a down payment on a house). I gave him some money from my safe which we use for our savings as I don’t carry cash. He offered to take me out to run errands and I accepted since I had stuff to do.
We ended up stopping to get lunch with his wife which was delayed by almost an hour and so I didn’t eat for around 20 hrs which wreaks havoc on my stomach ulcers. Then my storage unit emailed me basically making me feel stupid because whomever delivered a package there on my behalf didn’t do it right, therefore it was my fault. We went back and forth for quite a while before I told her she’s really bad with customers and I’ll just take my money elsewhere, and she finally apologized.
The next day I woke up with my 2nd migraine of the week. I decided since I didn’t get PS5s, I would instead drag myself out and do some Christmas shopping with that money instead. Ended up spending probably $700 on Christmas presents and was happy to go home and relax until my husband got off work. When we went to drop off the presents, we learned that someone close to me who is also a minor has been self harming. This still weighs heavily on my mind.
Saturday I decided I needed to relax at some point before I went back to work, so I decided to work on my cosplay project. Got absolutely nowhere for half of the day and was becoming increasingly frustrated and defeated. I texted my husband since he was at work and he suggested I work on a different part of the project and thankfully I took his advice and made some progress.
Sunday was pretty ok, but my migraine persisted and I was still feeling sick even though I changed the air filters in our air purifiers.
Monday I got back to work with 4 new work orders, of which they were 2 different types of orders, neither of which I have experience in. 2 of them are notorious for being more stressful than the standard orders I usually get. I started getting anxiety because I think I’ve always kinda had issues with Imposter Syndrome but I had been doing well to keep those feelings at Bay after my recent therapy, but I’m feeling it again. So I stressed over those on Monday but still got 2 orders done. Tuesday I got another difficult order, and some of my work on a previous assignment was undone when someone was helping me with an issue on it, so now that order will be even later than it already is. Wednesday I got 3 more stressful orders and I got most of the way through them but I needed help to finish them and everyone was busy. Today I got 6 more assignments that I know of, I haven’t checked the other systems yet.
Yesterday I didn’t have time to take a lunch break because of a the mishaps and my husband brought me lunch but they messed up my order majorly so I just threw it in the fridge and ate it after lunch.
This morning I kept getting woken up super early and I moved out into the living room to lay on the couch to see if I could sleep. I got my 4th migraine of the week. I eventually went back to bed and got maybe another hour of sleep.
At this point I’m really just trying to make it to the weekend. I haven’t been sleeping well. I haven’t been feeling well. I keep getting migraines. I am getting work piled on exponentially faster than it has been up to this point. I’m losing faith in my ability to do my cosplay. My self care is slipping, I’m not showering or brushing my teeth as much as I should be and I can feel my ulcers getting bad again.
I just need a break from this terrible week. I’m going to try journalling today. I just watched Casey’s Easy Journalling video and I figured I would give it a shot.