I just realized how truly alone I am

I started daydreaming, because I tend to do that when I like someone. Kio kept asking me why I always do this, I said idk and then, I actually started wondering. It’s not like I want to daydream, or like the person, I just can’t control it. Then I delved deeper. Wondering why I always daydream about general stuff, other than romantic feelings. I started thinking about my life goals, how I want to work with animals, because they depend on me, and love me. I started thinking about my work, how I’m prolly gonna be let go soon bc I work too little days, and I thought about how that will affect me. And suddenly I started crying. And I can’t stop. I just realized why, I do all these things, why I daydream, why I’m scared of change. It’s because in the end I’m all alone. I have no one. The only people I have that will never leave me are the people in my head. I will never be able to keep friends, I will never be able to keep in contact with the same person, I will never be able to just be in one fucking realationship. I will always. Be alone.

With this newfound knowledge, I truly know how pointless my existence is. Without anyone to depend on me, I have no reason to live. I thought I got over this, but I guess you can never get rid of a flaw that defines you so well.


Hi Systemofconfusion. I am so sorry you feel this way. I have some experience with loneliness but i cant say i know how you feel. I truly wish things will get better for you and you will no longer feel alone. If you ever feel down this comunity is here for you. I know it is not the same as real friends but i hope it helps. If you ever want to talk just write me a message and i will try to respond as soon as possible.

Much love. Ashwell.


Today at work a customer came in that I knew from the past. It fucked with my head and now I can’t stop shaking, creepy fucking bastards. Now I just want to stab a hole in my leg. But headmates are trying to distract me like always.


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