I started daydreaming, because I tend to do that when I like someone. Kio kept asking me why I always do this, I said idk and then, I actually started wondering. It’s not like I want to daydream, or like the person, I just can’t control it. Then I delved deeper. Wondering why I always daydream about general stuff, other than romantic feelings. I started thinking about my life goals, how I want to work with animals, because they depend on me, and love me. I started thinking about my work, how I’m prolly gonna be let go soon bc I work too little days, and I thought about how that will affect me. And suddenly I started crying. And I can’t stop. I just realized why, I do all these things, why I daydream, why I’m scared of change. It’s because in the end I’m all alone. I have no one. The only people I have that will never leave me are the people in my head. I will never be able to keep friends, I will never be able to keep in contact with the same person, I will never be able to just be in one fucking realationship. I will always. Be alone.
With this newfound knowledge, I truly know how pointless my existence is. Without anyone to depend on me, I have no reason to live. I thought I got over this, but I guess you can never get rid of a flaw that defines you so well.