School is coming up in a few weeks and I’m already anxious about that. People expect me to do good, because (they say) I’m smart, good at stuff, bla bla bla while I’m over here given up on life.
My meds aren’t doing anything, and I cannot get any appointments with my doctor to possibly change them or something, so I’m sitting here wasting money on stuff that don’t work at all.
Let’s be honest, who would even care if I just killed myself. My family, I guess. But that’s what, 3? maybe 4 people? And they’ll get over it eventually, while if I kept living, I’ll probably be a burden on them for all their life.
I’ll probably drop out of school, then waste the rest of my life working on shitty jobs until I die. The only “thing” I’m “”"“good”""" at is computers, programming, but all jobs about that requires school, also good luck finding anything good in this shitty country.
“Leave your country then” I hear you saying. “Go travel and make friends and bla bla bla” but it’s not that easy, is it? Tell me, is it really as easy as just typing it out?
I’m just tired of, well, everything. I’m lonely, I’m useless, I’m a burden, I can’t even put it into words how much I hate myself.
Even video games don’t work as a distraction anymore. I’m just stuck in front of my computer, continuously refreshing Reddit, Youtube, looking for something to waste my time, to distract me from life.
Anyways, that’s how I’m feeling right now. Feel free to ask more questions if you want.