This might be rather trivial compared to many other posts on here. But a few hours ago, I was just in my first (and hopefully last) car crash. It was my fault. It is worth mentioning that no one was hurt physically. I just need to get out of my own head and address my feelings.
My car is totaled, which means my transportation options are extremely limited once again. I have no idea how long it will be until I can get another vehicle. That means that right now, I have no car, and public transportation options in my area are basically nill. So I have to rely on family members to get me from point A to point B. I’m stuck. I’m trapped in a box again. Car insurance is most likely about to skyrocket, as well. That’s just lovely.
Ironically, it has been 2 weeks (exactly 14 days) since I got my driver’s license. I had an unusually long, hard, frustrating journey toward finally getting my license. That was not my fault. I have always hated driving ever since I started, but the freedom and independence it provided was a blessing I could not take for granted. Now, I don’t ever want to get behind the wheel again. I know I have to drive again. It is unavoidable. But the sweet taste of freedom has turned into the putrid smell of nitrogen gas from the airbag that smacked me in the face. I was just getting excited about the future. I even had a full tank of gas, too. Now, I just feel like garbage.
At the time of this post, I’m sitting alone in my room in the middle of the night, listening to As I Lay Dying’s “Shaped By Fire” album, feeling insanely angry at myself for the whole situation.