I just want my friend to be safe

I guess this is more of a journal because I don’t think I need help, this is just more of a vent because I need to get this out of my head and I just want someone to listen. Also apparently there’s something going on with Kitboga rn? Idk I’m just seeing all the pings for him lol. I guess if he sees this then uh- hai!

This is going to be talking about that friend with her boyfriend that I mentioned a couple posts back.

Tw: Gaslighting, Manipulation, toxicity

She uh- she told me that she was talking with her therapist and that her therapist confirmed that her boyfriend was gaslighting her sometimes and I’m just- hurt… because it had to take a professional telling her that there’s gaslighting for her to finally understand… after a shit ton of attempts from me to tell her that she was being manipulated… it feels like that effort was wasted ig? I’m hurt that it took her this long… and I’m not frustrated at her! At least, not in an angry derogatory way… I’m more frustrated at myself and at him honestly…

And I saw all of our mutuals reacting to her vents recently too. They were basically like “you should work it out. I’ve seen you two and you seem to be in a decent relationship, try communicating with him.” And like… with so many saying that I just… am I the one in the wrong…? I think so… I was pushing her towards an outcome that I don’t think she wanted, just because I made him out to be a genuinely awful toxic person in my mind and… I think that’s wrong… and I hate myself for letting myself create this shitty narrative in my head that he was a toxic manipulator…

I want to protect her, I want her to be okay, I can’t stand watching her get hurt, I want her to be happy and healthy, I get frustrated every single time I watch her get hurt, and I don’t understand why it’s so hard for me to get over that…

I won’t try to push her towards what I think is right anymore… that wasn’t okay for me to do. If she wants to stay, I’ll support that, no matter how much it fucking hurts. I have to just get the fuck over it… Because that’s what good friends do…

I just beg her to please… please just be safe…

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I apologized

I just wanted to give an update and vent a little more.

I made an apology for her and sent it, because I do believe that I was wrong in this situation. I should’ve been more supportive of her decisions, and should’ve known that what I wanted wasn’t what she wanted. I was manipulative in this situation, pushing my own (rather selfish) agenda on her for what I believed to be the better. But it wasn’t the better… because I don’t know her life, I don’t know her brain. It was wrong for me to manipulate her, period.

It hurts to figure it out though. I’m scared and shaking and my brain is screaming that I’m a bad person… because I learned? The regret is making my stomach drop hard, and I just want to cry for a while.

But all of this doesn’t change the fact that I still care and am scared for her. Watching my friends get hurt summons feelings of protectiveness, frustration, and upset… Watching my friends get hurt, hurts me. I’ve always been like that, and honestly think I always will. I just want them to be okay and safe at the end of the day…

And y’know, I’m still going to point out manipulation happening to her when I see it! It literally feels extremely wrong to deny it. But as for what she should do and her next steps… that’s ultimately up to her, and I will support her in whatever she decides. If I don’t agree with that decision, well that’s my own damn problem.

Stay safe guys.

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i’ve seen two different types of friendship, one where you open your mouth when you see them being wronged and sometimes you annoy them for it. And the other type I’ve seen is where the friend loves you through alllllll your mistakes and screw ups, and they nicely mention what you’re doing wrong/dangerous etc, but their love overrides everything else. The first one is easier, the second one is rarer and to me, more difficult. Not saying either is right, and there may be other types of reactions as well, lol.

You’re learning about how you react and you’re learning what boundaries you have to respect and how to better express your protective side without being manipulative. Sometimes these lessons are hard and only learnt thru experience. Be kind to yourself as you do better as you lean more, we’re here for you to help you through it, or just to sit with you while you figure it out!

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