Alrighty friends and family I need so support and I dont feel safe in my own mind. I am not going to share everything because this would end up being a book because there is that much going on right now.
So i will start by saying that i dont see anyway out of stuff going on aside from just ending it. I am honestly between like some dark stuff that is making it really hard to keep going. First issue is with a very very close friend who is like my brother. I have come to find out that he has build the entire relationship on lies and he has begun to not respect me and what I need. He just keeps demanding things and has told me that my friendship is the only thing keeping him here and has threatened that if I drop him he will kill himself. I hate hurting people so I dont want to be that person. I also hate leaving just because it is rough with that person. And this friend literally has very few people who are currently standing by them because so much is going wrong. This friend has openly lied about me and stuff that has happened. He has legit stolen money from me and taken things. I just really hate to just say I am done because what if there is nothing better. Than my current living situation has gotten to a point where I am basically the dog care taker and the maid that cleans everything. Sadly that’s putting me in a bad place because i am not cared about or respected at all. Every move I make is just not enough now. I am trying to be as good as I can but nothing is going right. Even the shot of getting my new dog is at risk because so much stuff is up in the air. The friend and my partner and I were going to find a place but that’s just not working at all any more and I dont know what to do any more. I am so stuck and so tired of feeling like nothing is working any more. I have a plan in place and am just trying not to act on it. But what I have been holding onto doesnt seem to be helping any more. It just feels like this isnt going to change. Also my health is legit so bad that my seizures are making it impossible to hold a cup and drink or even a fork and eat. Like it’s not getting any easier. I can hardly walk because I have so many things going wrong. I feel like at this point the best option is to end the pain. Sadly I really dont see anything right now.
Honestly I am about to just say goodbye to life because its not possible to keep trying to function when it just falls to pieces.
I hate that your going through all of that. It’s definitely hard to believe anything can go right when they are constantly going wrong, I’ve been through that myself. I have some advice that I pray will help you. Try taking a moment to just breathe, block out all the negativity your going through and have a moment to yourself. Or maybe try treating yourself or doing something you enjoy. As far as your friend lying and steeling from you is a huge betrayal. If they are ready to leave this earth because your not friends with them, then your friendship obviously means something big to this person. It’s hard to want to help somebody when behind your back they are doing all those things to you. I think if you truly want to work it out then it’s probably best you just take a break and evaluate the situation a bit. I hope you can manage to find some positivity I don’t want you to hurt yourself or end it. I know there are people that love you and care about you. If it helps to talk about your situation then I’m here to talk. I will try my hardest to give you the best advice I can.
Yes I have used the stop take a breather or take a mental health day but always something seems to break that and turn what I am trying to calm from into a big mess of a day and it is really really breaking me. It feels like NEVER is there a day without something going wrong. I am trying hard to do things I love and things that bring me joy but a lot of what I can do is not possible right now either due to my health or due to the covid stuff. I am trying hard to reach and see what is awesome and going on well in my life but it feels impossible sadly to keep all the focus on that when so much just comes piling onto it.
I have tried to talk to the friend about the issues and he just ignores me. So at this point I dont know what to do. I currently am the only friend standing by him even tho there is a lot he has done that is not okay. Sadly he blames his own issues as to the cause and that is not the truth. Everything he has ever told me up too this point has ended up coming unravelied and I really dont know what to say any more.
I know what you are going through I am currently going through the exact same thing with my own friend friend who is like a sister to me. She is my only friend and knows all of my mental and medical issues but she blames everything on everyone else except herself. She is self-centered. Things will get better eventually it will just take time. If you end your life you will be making the other person happy. She told me that herself. I am open to any questions you have or if you need someone to talk to.
Sadly there is more to this than just a friendship and its more than just what it seems. There’s a lot that didnt get shared. A huge fight ensued between my friend and than two of my other close friends that were his brother type friends and now because I am the one that currently holds the name of one of the dogs in my name they want me to for some how let them adopted her out which means I would know about it. Which than makes an already rough spot even tougher. I dont know what to do and I dont want to be the bad guy and I dont need more I just cant handle it.
Thanks for the reply its just too much right now.
So we talked about all the crazy stressful issues going on and I’m not saying they don’t matter cause they do and they’re obviously having a big effect on your life. But can you name a few or one good thing that happened today?
Well sadly the good I have had lately is wrapped in this stuff I have put a full payment down on my puppy but sadly if I cant find a place or get stuff worked out I am out my dog and that’s my big big good. Honestly that’s the best thing right now.
That’s awesome! I’m jealous cause I want to get a dog myself. But I think it could help you a great deal to have a companion such as a puppy. So there’s issues you need to work out with your living situation and your health has been making everything difficult from the sounds of it. You seem like your a pretty tough person going through all this. It’s ok to want to give up because that’s how you feel, but that doesn’t mean you have to give up. I know your tired and what feels like everything crushing down on you right now. It will get better just keep fighting through each moment at a time, and it will get easier. I hope before you know it you will have a puppy to help you through it all too. I would work on getting that situation fixed and if you can’t then give it some more time and a better opportunity will present itself.
I literally have a life long filled with a lot. A lot of Heartsupport knows my entire story some dont. But this stuff is on top of serious health issues that making doing stuff really hard. I currently have one dog named Jake he is my service dog I have trained him to help me through guide work (I am blind) seizure alert and response, all kinds of psych stuff, he also is trained to help in other ways. But he is sadly getting up in age and also cant go where ever on a whim because he gets car sick. So this puppy is to help take the load he has and cut it in half. It also will allow him to stay home most of the time. But I first have to find away to get out if my current living situation and everything around it is wrapped in stuff. So like a lot lays on this puppy. I have been given pick of the litter and he should be born any day now.
Like I said your tough! You are a true warrior to be dealing with all that. Yes a lot does seem to be riding on this puppy. When it gets a bit older I hope it helps you a great deal. I also don’t think you should give up if it doesn’t work out. My brother always tells me, “hope for the best but prepare for the worst” Easier said then done! Try tackling one thing at a time, I think thinking about everything all at once is overwhelming you. I do it to myself a lot, and believe it or not your helping me realize things I can do to better myself. So add that to your list of good things! You are having a positive effect on people’s lives more then you know. You got this!