I just feel like every time i leave my room something bad happens, i keep trying to be happy and keep my grades up but i keep not reaching the goals my parents want me to reach and every time im proud of something it gets torn right down, im trying as hard as i can and everyone says i can do better but i keep failing to get what they want they say im smart and yet i still keep forgetting to do my work i keep failing and i just dont know what to do and on top of that the love of my llife’s mom found out we where dating and moved him away to another city and he was the only person that wanted to talk to me and my phone is taken away so i can even call a help line to help myself so im all alone and my therapist even said “im not sorry that your alone” saying its the best thing for me when i feel like sleeping and just not waking up just being in my dreams where things are happy and im not a failure that keeps ruining peoples lives and i just dont know what to do at this point i thought after i ran away things would get better but then they found me and the person i was with left me for myself the i thought after i got out of the hospital i would be better and i was for a little bit but i had to fuck it up again and i know soon my moms going to get mad at me again for my grades because i didnt do work and i dont know why i didnt do it i just couldnt find the will to do it and now i cant even find the will to draw anymore, the one thing i was always able to do and i just need help, i need people i can talk to that actually want me i need people that i cant hurt.
Hey @PhoenixL, welcome to Heart Support! So glad that you are here. I hope that you feel loved and welcomed here. I am so sorry to hear about what you are going through.
It sounds like you are really alone right now and that you don’t have the best situation at home right now. I am so sorry. That is so hard. I am not exactly why your therapist said you should be alone right now, but I have experienced some of that loneliness the past year with the quarantine and know how miserable even that can be. I believe that we were meant for connection and community, so I am sorry that was taken away from you. This has been a great community for me and I hope it can provide that for you as well. Feel free to direct message me if you ever just need someone to talk to. Also, there are some good help forums that are online and I can send those to you if you would like.
I want you to know that you are not a failure. I used to have a lot of negative thoughts about myself (and still do), but something I try to work on is realize that if I make a mistake, I am not that mistake. That is not my identity. I am so much more than that. My identity is also not found in what other people think of me. I grew up believing I had to perform for people’s love and attention and that is how I got my worth, but that is just not true. I have worth no matter what and so do you.
Would you say this lack of motivation has been around for a while? I know for me, I have also experienced that and it has gotten exponentially worse during this pandemic. Can be really tough for me to do basic things and a lot of things that usually bring me joy just feel a little duller, so you are not alone.
I guess I will leave you with the encouragement to be a little kinder to yourself and show yourself some grace. It can be so overwhelming to have everyone’s expectations on your shoulders. We are here to help shoulder some of the burdens if you need. You are loved and you are not alone.
You belong. You’re enough as you are. So thank you so much for being here and sharing all of this. We appreciate and respect your vulnerability here.
It sounds like you’ve been dealing with a huge pile of stress lately and I’m sorry you have to deal with so much at the same time. Your grades, your relationship with your parents, the person you love being away from you, going to the hospital… That’s objectively a lot to deal with. It truly makes sense to feel like you don’t even have the will to do the things you used to enjoy, like drawing, when you feel overwhelmed already.
Regarding your grades, I hear you and understand the pressure that is tied to it. Our parents usually want the best for you, but sometimes it’s shared as a constant need for doing more or better, which is not healthy. Your grades don’t define you. They’re important, but they don’t condition your life and will never be the reflection of your worth. You are so much more.
I totally agree with @bbrandon3 about pandemic fatigue. To some extent, we all feel drained since the lockdowns started. I’m not in school anymore but I can surely imagine how this situation would affect your motivation to do your homework. It’s okay though. And it’s very mature of you to talk about what’s going on. It means you’re aware that something might need to be improved in the future. Your situation is not hopeless at all, friend.
Sometimes, the pressure that comes with school also pushes us to procrastinate and forget about our assigments. When I was in school, the more I was anxious, the less I was able to open a book and do my homework, because just thinking about it and thinking about the possibility to fail would stress me. It’s also a vicious cycle that keeps feeding our own fears through avoidance. But it’s a human reaction. And once we understand it, we can learn to be more patient and compassionate with ourselves.
Maybe you could reach out to other students, or eventually your teachers, to see how they schedule their own work? There might be some inspiration to find in how others manage to study in the midst of a pandemic. Maybe you could also use some tools just to get started - the first step is often the more difficult.
Dedicate a time during the day for your homework, eventually set an alarm on your phone so you don’t forget, and use an app such as pomodoro to try to work, at least, for 5 or 10 minutes. It’s an easy way to create some kind of “flow” that will help you to keep doing what you do. And more importantly: don’t forget to reward yourself after you work! Even if it’s only 5 minutes - it’s progress.
Regarding your therapist, I have to admit that I’m a little bit concerned about what they told you. Would you like to elaborate a little more about the context during which they said that? At first, it sounds a bit harsh for a professional to say that kind of thing, but misunderstandings can also happen sometimes. Although it’s important to make sure that this therapist is safe for you, and/or if you’d need to look after someone else in the future. You deserve to be supported in a way that remains respectful and non-judgmental.
In any case, you’re not alone friend. You’re part of this online fam’ right here now. We’re here for you, here to support and encourage you. Your voice is important. What you’re going through matters. You are loved and cared for.
Thank you @Micro and ill think about the advice for scheduling tho its hard because i dont actually have a phone rn but for context with the therapist she said shes sorry i lost my boyfriend but not sorry im alone because she knows i have separation anxiety and she feels like now that i have nobody to talk to its going to make my mental state better with the stress ive had to go thru even tho i thing the exact opposite is true, i was happier with people than i am now.
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