It seems like whenever things get a little tough, I just fall apart. I feel doomed. How am I supposed to get through life if I keep falling apart at every little word, bump in the road?
I want to be a singer. And it seems fate just thinks that’s funny. Today I found this singing system which is for people who aren’t naturally gifted like me, I’ve heard it gives really fast and good results. It’s even much cheaper than its worth currently. The problem is, I can’t pay for it. My parents already pay for my violin and guitar lessons. I can’t ask them for this. But it doesn’t even matter because my family is falling apart too. I just feel so damn hopeless. I’m never gonna get good enough. Most of the YouTube videos are made by people who are naturally gifted and I just don’t feel like I’m getting anywhere. I doubt myself all the time, I’m so insecure and I just want to disappear. My dreams might as well be dead with the way I get knocked over so easily.
Im sorry with what’s going on. Please DO NOT give up!
I know I have one thing that might help: Twitch Sings is pretty good at teaching basic singing and finding what your pitch is and it will remember your vocal range (never sing with helium) and from what I’ve seen, it (and/or practice) gradually makes users sing better. You, however, can always push yourself. It will play back what you just sang back at you at the end of the song with the instruments and if you have access to the song, you can compare yourself to them —it doesn’t broadcast to anyone but you (unless you want it to). I find it fun and it’s helping me not sing flat and, assuming that you have a mic that at least one computer can detect, it’s free. You don’t need a $100 mic. You just need one that is good enough to track pitch and not break your ears during playback. Earspeaker things with inline mics can work, but that doesn’t mean that they will work. A webcam mic might also work. This is like the ghetto version of what you want, but something might be better than nothing and singing combats anxiety.
Something else that I think that I can help with: being good enough. To be “good enough,” all you have to do is internally declare, without reservation, that you are good enough. It’s that difficult. You sound like you value yourself using external metrics, giving yourself a goal in the physical world and measuring yourself against it in your emotional world, which can be good. But instead of making a goal, not reaching it, and thinking that you lost a race, when you don’t reach a big goal you declare that you are not good enough as a person. This isn’t fair because your being good as a person isn’t effected by how well you can play the violin. Playing the violin well is the main reward for playing the violin well. This kind of thinking also isn’t fair because as you progress and get better as a guitarist, violinist, hopeful vocalist, and as a human being, when you get close to the goals that you made, you will begin to see no worth in those goals and you will make new goals. Pretend I say “I want to join an orchestra. If I do, then I’ll be good enough.” Then I join the orchestra and during the first concert I look over and see the first chair and how good they are and I am no longer good enough even though I was seconds before. Now I can’t help but think "when I can play like that, then I will be good enough. When I can play like the first chair I will still be playing in the background. Then I will want to be first chair. Then I will want to be in a more prestigious orchestra and everything starts all over again. A lifetime of practice and work and I am only “good enough” for a few months. I should have been saying “then I will be a better violinist.”