I keep trying to move beyond my past and it keeps dragging me back

Hi everyone. Me again.

I was having a pretty good day until about 15 minutes ago.

My husband texted me to tell me someone looks like me. Which carries so much more weight than one would know.

This ‘someone’ is the child of his ex who may or may not be his. He told me about this when we met. I knew of their existence and accepted it.

Over the years his ex would pester my husband regarding the child and I finally told them to either get a paternity test or leave us alone. And so for a time I was civil with them until about 6 weeks went by and they still hadnt even tried to get a paternity test. So i told my husband I want his ex out of our life for good.

I learned maybe a year ago that she contacted him through IG and got his number by whatever means, and we both ended up getting new phones/numbers immediately after, at his request.

Now today he told me his ex just messaged him a picture of the girl through FB and I guessed they had a conversation. I dont know. Ive given this woman a chance to set things straight with a paternity test which she refused to actually do and I cant get her out of my life. She has a long history of manipulative behaviors and have 9 kids all woth different dads. She drives me crazy. And now my day is ruined.


Both of you should block her number and block her in social media. The absence of a paternity test is convincing enough evidence that he’s not the father. I believe it’s possible to get a restraining order to keep her from trying to contact either of you.

Don’t worry about the past dragging you anywhere. You exist solidly in the present. You are stronger and smarter than ever. She can’t manipulate either of you if you stop listening to her. She has no real power over either of you.

You don’t need new phone numbers if you block her. If she changes her number, block that one too. Eventually she’ll get tired of changing her number over and over, if it comes to that.

If he agreed to do so, hold him to it.

He blocked her that same day. I think one of the issues is that he comes from a very small town where everybody knows everybody else, so shes only ever 1 or 2 degrees of separation away from us.

The restraining order is a decent idea, I hadn’t thought about it.


I would definitely be asking your husband to get a no contact order or something.
It just sounds like a nonsense game, there’s been ample opportunity for a paternity test and honestly some people just enjoy being a menace.


Hi Sapphire,
I am so sorry that you’re having to deal with this! It sounds incredibly frustrating. I agree with what @ManekiNeko said. I could not have said it any better. I’m wishing you all the best with this situation and I hope that you can find a resolution. You deserve happiness and peace, friend.


Hey @Sapphire

Im so sorry this woman is being such a pain in your life, I totally agree with what @ManekiNeko has said, enough is enough, your husband also needs to block any attempt at contact by her. It is unfair for you to have to put up with this. I truly hope tomorrow is a better day. xxx


Hi Sapphire,
thank you for sharing and coming back to us.

holy cow, that is quite the hot streak i would say. bingo.
i think that you are , and you did everything right here. with the paternity test, and also not contacting with her from
your husbands side, is really understandable. with the past of manipulative behavior, this situation is really a mess.
also your husband is more in charge of this situation to take action towards her. he should be say straight what is
going on, what should be done and what matters to you and him.
boundries needs to be accepted and also needed to be there for you and your family. for your own protection.
you have done great so far, you are loved my friend and you matter most :purple_heart:



Oh my, she just doesn’t go away does she? Blocking is good, a no contact order would be great. If she hasn’t gotten a paternity test by now, you just know that kid isn’t his. Does she really know who any of the fathers are? I’m sorry you’re still dealing with this, ugh.


No, as far as I know she doesnt know who the father is for more than half of her kids and the one referenced in my original post could have been 1 of 3 different guys.

Thank you everyone for the responses. I will siggest the No Contact order if this continues to be a problem.