It has been a while since I have posted anything. Each new day I wake up and try again. I keep trying. Even though when I wake up, I cry…I still try.
I applied for a job with the city. I had my interview and the next day they called and said I was one of 3 chosen candidates. I now have to pass a background check (40 page packet!!) If I pass that, I will have to pass a polygraph test. Then it will be another interview. I won’t know for at least another week, maybe two.
My trip to Ireland was postponed, again. I am truly hoping they open up completely by September. If it still can’t happen…maybe I will use my flight (because that has to be used by September or I will lose it) to fly to Lancaster, PA and visit the YourLife Gym. Who knows.
Anyway…yes, each day I try again. Each day I find something new to keep my brain occupied (my kids got me hooked on Stardew Valley)…so it doesn’t just focus on the negative thoughts that bombard it. Yes, I still have my moments of despair, where I think it’s time to call it quits. But I do my best to push through it…and keep going.
As for my relationship with Jon. Well, he gave up on me completely. Used me one last time and then said he was trying to see someone new. I do wish I had never met him. I wish I could get hypnotized to completely forget about him. And I am crying again.
Anyway. Yes, I am still alive.
I hope something good is happening for others, to help them keep going.
Hi, it’s good to hear from you again. I wondered how you were doing. Sounds like some positive things happening. A new job, that sounds interesting, and a trip to Ireland … maybe… all sound very positive.
Keep taking steps to care for yourself, and your emotional health with constant positive re-enforcement. Music, images, affirmations, meditation, what ever floats your boat. It’s the time to really be good to yourself. Keep posting, you’re not alone. Peace
Hey, glad you are here! It sounds like things have been rough for you lately, but it’s awesome that you applied for a job and are in consideration for the position!
A trip to Ireland sounds really nice as well. COVID has certainly thrown a wrench in quite a few peoples’ plans during the past year. Here’s to hoping you can take that much-needed trip this year after all!
It’s good that it seems like you’ve been finding things to bring you even a little bit of joy. Those are the things that are most important to seek out when we are struggling. I hope that things continue to get better for you!
I’m so glad to read an update from you, @ScoobyinWY. You’re trying, you keep trying, every single day, and that’s wonderful.
There will be a time when the tears will stop naturally, and you’ll finally feel a higher sense of relief. Right now, it sounds that you’re really paving the road for some solid future perspectives. You’re awesome. We believe in you, still and always. 
Thank you!
I had applied for the job in the middle of December, finally got called for an interview on 2/24. So I had really thought the job had closed. I keep hearing how working for the city/government is different. They have different rules they have to follow when posting/interview for positions.
As for the trip to Ireland. I started planning and saving for it in 2018. It was to be for my 50th birthday last year (2020) Maybe, just maybe, I will make it there on my 51st birthday. I keep hoping. It gives me a little longer to get into even better shape (mentally & physically.)
The thing I struggle with the most is coming to terms with the fact that I am meant to be single. I keep thinking maybe the man for me is in Ireland…he is just waiting for me to get there. It’s stupid, but it keeps me hopeful. It’s hard to see when the man you love is out with someone new. Especially when you live in a small enough town, you see them out together. I wasn’t good enough to keep, but she is.
Thank you for responding. 
I had applied for the job in the middle of December, finally got called for an interview on 2/24. So I had really thought the job had closed. I keep hearing how working for the city/government is different. They have different rules they have to follow when posting/interview for positions.
Yea, I’m not in US but that sounds very similar to how it is where I live too. It’s a more structured process to hire someone with standard requirements depending on the position - but your described it very well already. Really hoping the best for you! You got this. And I hope you’re proud of yourself for allowing yourself to catch this opportunity.
As for the trip to Ireland. I started planning and saving for it in 2018. It was to be for my 50th birthday last year (2020) Maybe, just maybe, I will make it there on my 51st birthday. I keep hoping. It gives me a little longer to get into even better shape (mentally & physically.)
It sucks that everything is postponed because of covid. But that’s still a very beautiful goal to aim for. I’ve personally always wanted to visit Ireland, so I’m suuuuper hyped for you! 
Your project has to be adapted with the current circumstances, but there will be a moment when you’ll have the pleasure to enjoy the view of an irish landscape (hopefully with heather in bloom 
).
I wasn’t good enough to keep, but she is.
I’d say it’s not a matter of being good enough, but of creating the right combination with someone. But it’s heartbreaking when the feelings we have for someone don’t seem to be mutual, or not anymore…
Though if this man left, then he didn’t see you as you are. He didn’t catch the beauty of this spirit that is yours. It’s not your fault. You are enough as you are. And it’s not in the power of anyone in this world to tell you otherwise. 