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I kind of miss my ex-friend + some happy news

I kind of miss my ex-friend

Originally this post was going to be much happier or celebratory but I started feeling a bit down about something. I want to vent about that too. I may or may not include the happy thing under this. I might be a weird contrast but lets see

To start, I feel down that the friendship I made last year didn’t last. I really liked them, we were opposites but made a great power duo. He was the one that taught me to be assertive while I taught him how to be a little more calm and vunerable. He made me laugh a lot. I love people who can make me laugh.

There was this thing we did where I would pretend to be his mom, mostly because his biological one was horrible. And I would encourage them and make sure they were okay, like a loving mother would. It was a little sweet since I like caring and making others happy a lot.

But there were downsides. Sometimes he would get terribly pessimistic or he would assume things about me and get mad. Or he wouldn’t really listen to me and that was the dealbreaker. When someone misinterprets my words or doesn’t bother to actually sit and listen, it breaks my heart. I didn’t want to argue but I also have needs in friendships and relationships.

I know he wasn’t mentally well. Had a multitude of things going on, but the least he could have done was try to meet one of my needs in return which was to listen to what I have to say instead immediately getting defensive and going offline.

Sometimes it feels like I gave all of my love and care for nothing. And I also feel like if he would have gotten the proper help he needed then he wouldn’t have acted like that and things wouldn’t have to end. We understood each other to some degree. Turns out we were both born under the same moon phase, which was a new moon haha.

I don’t know if its the loneliness getting to me. I know the friendship wasn’t good and it wasn’t gonna last. I mean they even called me a racial slur and used the r word against me because of my autism. I can’t go back to someone who’s gonna do that to me when they’re mad.

My only hope is that they haven’t like hurt themselves or anything at least because I know the situation their in seems really terrible. They’re really strong for holding on till I met them. Because I don’t know what I would do if it were me.

I think I’m going to cry so lets move on to the happier thing

Today was good day despite me thinking about my past tonight. I got some sleep and I started embracing my more childish and playful side. Allowing myself to do what makes me feel good and not really worrying about future events.

I drew stuff today in a new art journal. Gonna fill it with lots of stuff. I drew me and my favorite character together. I was so happy to see that I made improvements in my art despite me not having done drawing much drawing for years.

Now I can draw myself smooching whoever I want muhahaha.

But yeah that’s all I have to really say right now. I’m better but I think its because I needed more sleep. Its why I felt upset and stressed out. When I’m tired, I start to think more negatively

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First let me say that I am so sorry you lost a friendship, it can be hurtful and hard to move on from someone you grow close to, but with that said I also want to say that I am so very sorry for the hurtful things they said against you. That’s not okay for someone to talk to you like that.
I do hope there are some good things you can take away from this time you had together. Some good memories perhaps. You did such a wonderful thing helping him through what sounds like has been a hard period in his life.

Sometimes it’s a learning curve for people. Maybe he needed someone to help and listen to him, but perhaps that shouldn’t have been solely you. It’s good to lean on friends, but everyone also needs to learn that you can’t just throw baggage onto a friend without acknowledging their mental health too. If they’re also struggling (not assuming you were/are) or even if they just need a break to have fun, the key is balance.

I hope you don’t put too much burden on yourself worrying. I hope this doesn’t come across as rude, but we can’t control peoples actions or reactions. We can certainly hope for the best for them and we can (like you have) be there for them and try to guide them to a better place.

CELEBRATION ENSUING IN THREE… TWO…
ONEEEEEEEE!!!
This is AMAAZZINGGGG! I can imagine it was so rewarding to see your improvements and to feel inspired to draw again!
You’ve done a great job with the self care and I hope you keep at it. Even with negative thoughts you did something positive and that sometimes takes a lot of work. I hope you get more rest and feel less stressed out now that you’ve shared some of you’re worried and victories.

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