I kinda dislike my mother

Lately I have bad relationship with my mother, she’s not the person I used to know. She keeps yelling at me these days for not reaching her expectations.

I know it’s my fault for just playing video games, listening to music and never actually go outside. And the fact I only want to go outside if we’re going to go shopping, which very rarely happens. She only wants me to be smart and active person who likes to go outside looking at the nature.

Every time I want to go somewhere I like, she always say “later” and “next time” then complains about her financial issues, which make me sounds like a selfish person (which is true).When I can finally go, it’s already too late as I lost interest so fast (because it takes MONTHS TO YEARS, or it’s actually never gonna happen)

I’m also feeling envious when my brother can get anything he wants without getting a paragraph of complains just because he’s the youngest, while whatever she said to me always stabbed my heart until I’m heartless. She keeps saying that he’ll take care of me in the future, I think that’s just a pure lie because he’ll beat me up harder in the future, because that’s what he always do in the present.

I have so many things to tell her but I always refuse to say it because I know what will happen, I don’t feel confident on anything anymore.

I can’t see where is the part she loves me, other than the usual need, because I feel like a servant of the house. Not even a comfort I get from her, it’s always the angers due to her stress. I can’t stand with her extroverted feelings anymore. I can’t stand of her wanting me to be a perfection.

But I think it’s just me being selfish, I think I AM selfish, if you think I am, tell me why and how to not be selfish anymore.


Hi there!! I read your post and what I heard was pain not selfishness. You wrote:

I have so many things to tell her but I always refuse to say it because I know what will happen, I don’t feel confident on anything anymore.

Sometimes writing is a better way to communicate. You can say what you mean without the other person interrupting and being emotional. At least write it out for yourself. It will clear your head if you do decide to talk to her.

My granddaughter is always on her iPad in her room. To some extent she’s addicted to it but it’s also her way of shutting out painful emotions and interactions. I used to do the same thing with reading books and watching tv in my bedroom. Like you I got flack from my parents and my mother especially would call me names. It’s important that you know you’re not weird or the only person in this kind of conflict. It doesn’t mean you don’t love or appreciate your mother.

Family dynamics are complicated and not always healthy. I’ve never met anyone who wasn’t scarred in some way by their parents or siblings growing up.

If you keep on reaching out and being honest about what you feel and what’s going on you’ll be in an awesome position to overcome your parents mistakes.

Also if you have any insight into kids in your situation I’d love to hear it! It helps me in my prayers over my family

Blessings to you! Hang in there!

1 Like

From: prryplatypus

Hi Ariane, welcome to the forum. I’m sorry your family relationship doesn’t seem to be going too well. I definitely agree with @Sande’s recommendation of writing things down do communicate them. A few years ago I struggled with communicating well with my family, and all it took to get things to start changing was writing a WhatsApp message with all I was feeling to my mother. I definitely didn’t write it down in a day, and it went through several rewrites before I considered it good enough to be shared with her. Make sure you write what you feel, why you feel that way, what you feel like they do, and how they could do it better. Sometimes parents need a little help from us - they get too focused on keeping the family afloat, and forget about all the other important things. Just make sure you tell them nicely: your intention when talking (or writing) to them shouldn’t be to accuse them of what they’ve done wrong, but rather to tell them how to do better. Keep us posted if you decide to give this a try! Best, prry.



Hi Ariane, Welcome to Heart Support and thank you for posting :slight_smile: I’m sorry you’re having issues with your mother. It doesn’t feel good when a parent doesn’t follow thru with something. It sounds like she can be pretty hard on you. I have an idea you could try that might help. When I was young I would do special things like do an extra chore without being asked. Or ask my mother if she needed help with things around the house. Sometimes, my brother and I would clean the whole house if her and my father went out for awhile. Usually, she would be pleased and it made me feel good too. Maybe you can try something like that. You are not selfish at all, never think that. ~Mystrose


From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hi Friend, Thank you for your post and Welcome to heartsupport. I am sorry you are having relationship problems with your Mum, it sounds like you feel that no matter what you do you cannot seem to please your mum. Its difficult to make a person understand your dislike to go out just to go out if you are not that sort of person, I do not like going out and some people find that very strange and hard to imagine so I get it. I don’t completely understand what you mean about your brother, if you mean that he hurts you then that is wrong and it needs to stop, no one should ever be hurting you, there is never a good reason or justification for it. As for your mum, I hope that you will get the opportunity to sit and talk to her at some point and really explain how you feel and how she makes you feel, you are not a selfish person, you are just looking to be understood as we all are in life, and I truly hope that you both will come to understand eachother and grow to love oneanother (that can happen) Look after yourself and be kind to yourself in the meantime. you are special and have a big heart. much love lisa. x