its weird. omg i swore i was in love with this girl and i swore she was my first love but for the past week i haven’t slept. i like DIED in school bc i was so exhausted anyways i found out i was never in love. i dont think ill ever be. i lie a lot about my feelings, thoughts, and mannerisms. im teaching myself not to be predictable, not to be read. and its working, its always have. i feel better knowing other people know they cant hurt me. only i can tear myself down and it progressively gets worse each time. i kiss you and you cant tell if i love u or not and it makes me smile. im not crazy or like a psychopath. but i want you to know you cant hurt me, your words go through me, bad or good. i do love you and other things but it will never truly be love bc i dont love myself. i will never fall in love with the people i want most because i cant kiss myself. kiss me and tell me you love me, i won’t believe it but ill play it back in my head and make me believe its true. i dont love myself so why do i try to love you
kiss me
kiss me
Hey @tylerbye,
Sounds like you really want to protect yourself and that’s totally understandable. Indeed, it doesn’t makes you crazy or a “psychopath”. You’re a human being. You know what love means, but also hurting. I can only imagine, from what you said, that maybe you’ve been through painful relationships before. It is difficult to trust others, difficult to be vulnerable with someone else. When we do so, we take some risks.
So, there is a possibility to be hurt, that’s true. But there’s also the possibility to be showed by others that you are loved and they sincerely care about you. And you deserve to truly live this.
We’re all wearing different masks depending on the situations/interactions we’re involed in. But it can be really harmful when it’s preventing you to trust others and build positive relationships. You can definitely learn to trust yourself and others, with time, patience and perseverance. The lies we tell ourselves sometimes can be really heavy and difficult to tame. So I sincerely hope this community will be helpful for you to work on that. Because it’s a safe place here and you won’t be judged. It could be a great place for you to start working on self-love.
Maybe you won’t believe this, but from my perspective what follows will be said with honesty: you are loved unconditionnaly. Even if you don’t love yourself. Even if you don’t trust me or others right now. This love will not fade away or disappear. It’s here, right here and right now, it’s real, and it’s yours. 