I follow alot of queer folk on line cuz I am one and I know people put on a persona when posting on line but for some reason when I see a rich or well off queer person it kinda angers me I know they probably went through the same struggle I went through with being queer but just the fact they have money just it erks me in a way that I can’t describe maybe I’m feeling it more cuz I got loudly called slurs at the clinic yesterday or cuz I’m incredibly poor and struggle to even secure independence I know this is a me issue I just hate that I feel this way cuz I should be happy people like me are able to become successful but at the same time there’s that part of me that wants that for my self but I also dont have skills that make that sorta money and I’ve come to terms with that cuz it’s not as easy as just practice cuz you need to be able to practice your skills and often I can’t
Feeling jealous is understandable. It’s possible to feel good about the success of others and be jealous at the same time. Rich and well off people struggle too. They have the added stress of worrying about losing what they have. Although jealousy is understandable, are you sure that’s what you’re feeling?
Typical jealousy sounds like, “I’m angry because you have something I deserve, but you don’t deserve it.” I don’t think of you as a person who feels that way.
I think your jealousy is more innocent. I think it takes the form of “I’m sad because I don’t have the same kind of blessings that you do.” To see someone happy can trigger a deep longing for the same experience. That longing is very likely to be interpreted as jealousy.
Take another look inside, to your heart. I’m pretty sure you do like seeing others succeed. Positive feelings towards the success of others can sit alongside the deep longing that’s usually thought of as jealousy.
Keep in mind, feelings aren’t wrong, even if they’ve misunderstood and confusing. How we choose to react to them can be right or wrong. The only wrongness is when we allow them to harm ourselves or cause harm to others.
Accept that you’re a good person and acknowledging your feelings with self-honesty means you’re evolving emotionally. You have reason to be proud of that.
I’m so sorry that you’re struggling right now. It can be really hard to see posts on social media and feel like you won’t be able to have the same opportunities as others. It’s not uncommon to view others who are in the same communities and long to feel just as important and valued. You’re not a bad person for feeling this way, you’re not wrong. You do deserve to feel safe and be listened to and have the opportunities to be who you are and whether that means working in an industry that validates and supports you and your community, then you deserve it. I hope that the people you do follow and see also have a positive message to leave to impact you. That they inspire you and want to better their communities. I know we all have a long way to go.
You are so important. You are so cared for
How you feel is absolutely understandable. It makes sense to feel jealousy and envy for things you seek in your own life but - for now - only see in others. We all get to experience these emotions at times, especially when life is particularly rough or when we are hurting the most. It’s a cry from the heart, an expression of what you need and what you want. It is absolutely normal and human to feel that way when you aspire to grow in your life.
I’m grateful that you have chosen to express these thoughts and feelings here today. It’s a healthy way to navigate these. I hope you can take some time to reflect on it and, when you feel like it, to try to see beyond the frustration itself, what are the things you can do in your life that could be significant to you (even the smallest actions!). There is more to these feelings of helplessness, even if it might be about redirecting your life trajectory in different ways.
What are the skills that you have? What are the things you could do? There is a treasure withing you waiting to be unfold. For some of us, it takes time to find the levers we need.
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It is hard to struggle so much financially. I really understand. Also how you feel is valid and not wrong. It all depends on what you do with those emotions. One thing you already mentioned yourself, you could be happy for other people and instead of feeling bad, you could try to draw inspiration from them.
Another thing to keep in mind is, you are a different individual from them. They might have had lots of support, more help than you or a better starting situation. I fear that comparing yourself to others might make you unhappy. You don’t know what goes on in their lives behind the scenes that they don’t show you. They might struggle with different aspects of their own lives, just not with money. I wish that you can accept your feelings and not feel guilty for having them.