Hey there my friend- I wish I could jump through this screen and give you a hug right now! I want to commend you and applaud you for the changes you’ve made in your life. Being able to conquer addiction is awe-inspiring and you deserve massive congratulation for doing so. In addition to breaking addiction, it takes so much willpower and self-love to be able to acknowledge those around you who are leading you down paths you don’t want to go and cut yourself free from them. It’s hard, because on one hand it can feel like leaving your social circle behind, but in the long run it is so important in ensuring your continued sobriety and mental wellness. So truly, I applaud and commend you. Many people will never find the willpower and strength to do what you have done, so take time to enjoy your victories.
Even though we can celebrate our wins and move forward in life, those thoughts can creep in that tell us we are worse off, or that we are so messed up that we don’t deserve to enjoy our progress. These thoughts sneak in and remind us of our regrets and past mistakes- fixating our minds on what should have been rather than what is in front of us right now. We all have made mistakes in our past and there are things that every single one of us wishes they could change, but those actions do not define you. Your past does not define you. Though mistakes have been made, you can still move forward and enjoy the life laid out before you.
It makes me so happy to hear that even in the midst of your lows, you have music. The ability that music has to be an emotional vessel- taking us into the hurt where we can process our feelings, and then bringing us out to the other side, validating us in the knowledge that our favorite artist struggles the same as we do- is incredible. Continue to lean into that power and let the emotions flow when the music resonates with you. Let the songs be a form of therapy and process what is going on internally. It truly can be so healing.
Lastly, I just want to let you know that it is okay to hurt. Forward motion can be painful, just like how a distance runner is sore after a long run. You are making undeniable progress, and though pain may come with it, that doesn’t mean mean you aren’t improving. On your bad days, remind yourself that you conquered your addiction, and you are no longer a slave to it. Remind yourself that you are not surrounded by those who drag you down anymore. With the same strength and confidence that you beat your addiction with, put yourself out to new faces around you and welcome in new friends and chosen family to walk this next phase of life with you. There is loving community out there for you, and I know you will find them. Love your dog and cherish every moment you have in the sunshine, knowing that you are on an upward trajectory. When you zoom out, what can feel like a zigzag of life is a graph trending upwards, so be enthusiastic about the coming bright future ahead of you.
Your life matters so much and I am so excited for you to find what is coming for you. You are a beautiful, unique, and wonderful human, and the world is truly so lucky to have you- the one and only you.