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Belongs to: Therapist reacts to Save Me by Jelly Roll
I lost my beautiful son to addiction 2 yrs ago. I’ve heard all of these desperate words from his mouth. Trauma and debilitating depression are real accelerators to addiction. We don’t see the feelings of unworthiness and feeling unlovable. We don’t see the torment in their minds of using to escape but in doing so, they hurt the ones that love them. I don’t have guilt bc my son knew I was there fighting with him, supporting him. He knew I loved and treasured him. My only regret is that in my tunnel-visioned focus on trying to save him, I didn’t understand his side of it, until he was gone. It breaks my heart to know the mental anguish and pain that he went through everyday!! TJ was a beautiful soul, and he will live on in all the best parts of me!! Be kind, empathetic and understanding!!
I am so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child. I commend you for being there for him and supporting him and loving him unconditionally. Despite his addiction I’m sure that meant a lot to him. I love how you say that he was a beautiful soul and the best parts of him will live on through you! You are courageous and strong and I pray for continued healing as you as you share those amazing parts of your son with the world!
My friend. There is no doubt that your son, TJ, knew how much you loved him and how much you tried. To support him, to understand his pain, to offer a caring and loving presence in his life through this terrible adversity he was battling with. How much you are a beautiful, caring parent who will never give up on their son, even after death has hit your life.
As you’ve expressed so well, addictions, trauma, utter feelings of worthlessness can be difficult to wrap our head around when we are not the one living it firsthand. It’s a deep, complex combination that can make one display opposite behaviors, conflicting thoughts, and hide so much of their own heart even to the people they love. Oftentimes, when you are in a position of witnessing the damages it creates in the life of someone you love, you will also only see what they allow you to see. There is this duality deep inside between wanting to be saved but also not, wanting to be seen but also feeling safer while hiding away from others sight. Aspiring to experience something different and so much better, while also feeling undeserving of it. It’s hard to express and to understand on both sides.
TJ will not be forgotten, and yes, absolutely yes, he keeps on living through you. Through this beautiful soul of yours, his spark keeps on shining. Thank you for sharing parts of your story and who he is here. For sharing his name and letting us, letting this world, know who he was.
@@HeartSupport Wow. Your words just flow so smoothly, while being poignant and profound. I didn’t realize how badly I needed to hear all of that!! Your response has truly touched my heart. Thank you!!
