I lost my best friend

I was feeling it coming for a while now.

While her life is going great mine si crumbling and I am pretty depressed and miserable. I could feel how she grew sick of my attitudine because we talked less and less and she spent time with her bf and other people going out and having fun while I was stuck working.

A few days ago I exploded and told her I am sick of hearing about her festivals, parties and boyfriend and that I am really down. She got annoyed and unfriended me.

Now I feel confused. I think i am in denial of the pain. She was there for me when I lost a parent and through my heartbreak and now…it all crumbled in a second. Afters years of friendship.

I admit I always felt a certain contained envy towards her. I never understood why we are friends. She is rich, I am poor, she had all the boys’ attention while I was invisible, she had a happy family life while my parents left me. I always wanted her life and I think those differences are finally starting to come along. But I do not want to loose her. She was like a sister to me. I never wanted to act in behalf of these negative feelings of jealousy but now my depression is getting the worst of me.

I don’t know how to deal with this.

I think the first thing I would do is apologize and explain to her why you blew up. If she understands and can empathize with how much stress you are under then you can work towards rebuilding your friendship. It’s very easy to feel jealous of others when we don’t know the whole picture, she might be struggling in other ways that you don’t realize. I would recommend talking it out and explaining to her how you feel and why you lashed out but that you don’t want to lose the friendship

Hey, friend!

I would recommend talking it out with your friend. It sounds like y’all are close enough to get through this little rough patch y’all are having. I totally understand where you’re coming from but I also agree with Confused - what looks all sunshine and rainbows could be very dissatisfying to the person. Money and boys aren’t everything. They’re often heavy burdens!

So, just talk to her and I’m sure everything will be alright!


Hey @sodahead94

If you can and as you have told me on many ocasions try and talk to your friend and explain what you have just told us. You guys sound super close so I’m sure a small disagreement won’t be a massive issue for you both

So I was just watching the HS stream and I heard this post and I just had to come here immediately and write on your post.

It’s so crazy because I went through something incredibly similar with my best friend. Except the roles were reversed. For a time she was suffering a lot and I wanted to do all I could to be there for here. But things in my own life were finally looking up. There was one weekend that we got into a fight, she hurt me and then we didn’t talk for months. During that time I didn’t reach out to her and that hurt her even more. We both sucked at being friends at that time and we ended up hurting each other. She and I finally got together and we talked, cried, apologized and now I can truly say she is my sister.

She told me exactly what you were posting here. She told me that being around me so happy made her angry. She said that being around my family made her jealous and she couldn’t be around that. Once she told me how she felt we found a way we could help each other but also know where our boundaries lay. We realized that even though we love each other sometimes we need space and time to heal before we can truly love and be there for each other.

What I can say is reach out to your friend. She is probably just as hurt as you are. I know when I lost my friend for a few months it felt like I lost my arm. I lost a part of myself. So reach out and be honest about what is going on. Because if she is a true friend she will want to have that honest discussion with you.

I love my friend because she means the world to me. I don’t care about what she has or what she doesn’t have. And maybe this is just a time for you to do some healing. Depression ruins so much and it destroys good things. Give your heart and your friend’s heart time to heal and then reach out to her.

Relationships and friendships are work and sometimes you have ups and downs. I really hope things work out with your friend.

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Hey @sodahead94 here is the video response to your topic.

Hold Fast.


update here: I talked to her and expressed all of these negative thoughts. She did not take it well and seemed to want to never talk to me ever again. She said she never felt so much hatred from someone close ever and she cannot go over it.

I guess I have to grow up and admit that jealousy made me lose my best friend and I might never get her back. Thank you for the discussion guys.

I learned to work better on myself and learn to cope with this loss. I hope to better myself after this experience as painful as it is.

I’m sorry to hear that you lost your friend and that she did not accept your apology. We all lose our cool from time to time it happens were human. Maybe some time later on you can try talking again. Losing a friend is hard and to say sucks would be an understatement. As you go through this process reach out to us and know that we are here to listen.

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Thank you, friend.

Much appreciated.

All love,


You are NOT invisible. We see you. I’m sorry about your friend. Honesty can be hard to use, but try it. If she really is a sister to you, you can trust her. Do not let her forget all you two have been through. It’s okay to feel down. It won’t always be like this. Have hope, friend, and stay strong <3

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Oh Soda… you have all the answers right there in your message, you are just telling it to the wrong person.
I have lived fora pretty long time now and if there is one rule I live by, it is that you cannot talk when emotions rule you. You blew up, you said things that were in your heart, but you probably didn’t say them in a way your friend could understand. She probably just got a face full of aggression and despair of everything you had kept bottled up inside you for so long. You two need to talk, and the first step is to tell her you are sorry that you blew up in her face like that. And if she accepts that then you can talk about your feelings about all of this, why you blew up. And if she decides she has no time to listen to you, then I honestly think this person is no longer a friend to you. I know that is harsh, but friends come and go, because through life we all change because of what happens to us. Maybe she is changing with everything that is happening in her life and she’s drifting away. You can’t force her to stay. If she is really a friend she will find a way to get back to you. Paths cross for a reason, and if she is really a friend then she will grow to miss you over time, and until that time it is up to you to give her that time and walk your road alone for a while, or with other friends.
You two are not married. You’re not attached to the hip. You both are separate human beings who either want to spend time together, or don’t want to spend time together. And I know that’s hard. I am nearing 50 now, an old fart, and I still miss some of my friends I had in grade school. I still hope to meet them again someday so we can talk like we used to about everything that happened in the meantime. But for that to happen you will need something to tell. You will need to have lived a life, because nothing is more desperate than only being able to say ‘I just sat here waiting for you, all this time’. That would be a very short conversation then.

So go say you’re sorry, talk, and if she needs time then go do amazing things so you’ll have lots to tell her when she returns. :slight_smile: Go live life. It’s amazing. In waiting for my friends to come back I had an acting career and wrote 14 books, all published. I am sure you have some talent in you that is just dying to be discovered. :slight_smile:

kind regards,

Martin / ThatOldDutchGuy