I lost my ex gf to that kind of thing she was my f

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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
I lost my ex gf to that kind of thing. She was my first love. It’s not only losing someone you care about but also the feeling of not having been good enough to save them. The feeling of having failed them. I can’t say “oh, I didn’t see the signs” because I truthfully did. I knew about her shitty home situation, about her problems and depression and about the fact that she’d had attempts on her life before. For the longest time I did everything I could but it was wearing me out. I was going through a pretty bad phase myself abd I was just a teen who had no idea how to deal with all that or the bullying from her own family or the SA that she’d been put through and didn’t tell me about at first cuz she thought I’d blame her for it. You can only carry someone for so long. I couldn’t carry her any longer, it was destroying me. So I let her go and she took her life. I know there are logically so many reasons why it wasn’t my fault but emotionally I can’t imagine it ever fully forgiving myself. On the bright (or actually just slightly less dark) side this whole ordeal kinda saved my life. I can’t imagine putting my loved ones through that same hell, which at times is the only reason I keep going.

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Thank you for your intense vulnerability and honesty in sharing. It takes immense bravery to be so open about such a painful thing.
You loved her. You tried to hold on. But sometimes when we hold on too tight to something infected we will get sick too. You acknowledge that you know mentally you’re not reaponsible but emotionally you carry the weight.
That emotional weight is hard to carry, but you also say this has saved your life in the wake up call of seeing how suicide can devastate loved ones. You’re so right that when someone has decided to hurt themselves at a certain point there is nothing anyone can do. It isnt a burden of responsibility you can carry.
No one wouldve been good enough to save them, they wouldve had to decide for themselves to keep up the fight. When someone has been through do much sometimes they have no strength left. Her decision has everything to do with her circumstances, past, trauma, and emotional pain, and you can’t take that on.
You are strong for getting through this! I hope you continue to be strong for her and for yourself while also allowing yourself to be weak in the safety of those who love you. I hope you find safe people who can lift you up when you are down and you can lean on when things get overwhelming.
Thank you for reaching out to HeartSupport! We are here for you!

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Hey my friend - thank you so much for talking about this and getting it off of your chest. I lost my ex gf to that kind of thing she was my f - Social Media / Support - YouTube - heartsupport — Mozilla Firefox - 9 July 2024 | Loom

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@@HeartSupport Hey, so I’ve got no clue how that platform works, so I’m gonna answer here. I habe seen the video and I gotta say thank you so much. I often go to “older” videos to vent because often enough it’s like talking to the void. The comment’s gonna be buried and will probably never see any replies. Of course it occasionally does, but I have absolutely never recieved a video. Didn’t even know that was a thing that could happen. Thank you so much for that, it’s actually great to feel seen and heard. I’ve had quite a few struggles in life, of which the above explained situation is only a small part, and even though most of the time I try to be fine, but sometimes life just sucks and I’d like to let you know that what you did mattered to me today.

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