I lost myself because of things done to me when i

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i lost myself because of things done to me when I was 15 and i lost my friend to suicide when i was 16

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Hello, I’m sorry you have experienced these things in your life whatever they may be, and please know that if you would like to share more with us you can feel free to do so. It’s never easy to endure abuse, or loss of a loved one to suicide, but we are here if you would ever like to discuss what you are going through further. <3

Hi Friend,

I’m truly sorry to hear about the things and people that you have lost. Both are very hard things to navigate. I’m sorry for what you had to go through at 15 that caused you to lose yourself and who you were. And then to experience the loss of your friend shortly after at 16. I imagine it must have been a very difficult time for you filled lots of emotions.

I’m not sure what the status of things are for you now, or how long it has been, but I do hope that you have been able to start the healing process for these events and have been able to find some support to work through what has happened to you. Healing from such trauma, especially back to back, will take time. Be patient with yourself, compassionate with yourself, on your journey. This post took courage, and I’m happy that you were able to make it because it is a step in the right direction. :white_heart:

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Thank you friend for sharing this with us here. I’m really sorry that you’ve been met with such adversity and loss in your life, especially as you were so young when it all started. You should have never been hurt by others in the first place, and you shouldn’t have to carry this pain with you. Of course I don’t know what exactly happened, but I imagine how isolating and hurtful it must have been to be forced to survive during your teenage years. I’ve personally grew up being abused, and it’s only as an adult that I realized how much I had to be constantly in movement in order to push through the years, in order to be here today. When people you trust or have learned to know hurt you and make you feel ashamed of being, it certainly leaves a mark on your heart. It makes sense to feel like having lost a part of you and of your identity because of it. It is the kind of situation that would make anyone feel helpless and as if the ownership of their life was taken away from them. On top of it, losing your friend to suicide must have added so much pain to your heart. It is the kind of loss that can make you reflect on your own journey and sometimes wonder “why am I still here when they aren’t?”. It’s such a hard place to be in. My heart goes out to you.

Again, thank you for being here and sharing all of this. There has been without a doubt a lot of days and nights made of tears and wondering how to keep on going. You can proud of yourself for keeping on choosing you and choosing life. You matter so much.

@@HeartSupport thank you very much for understanding

@@HeartSupport thank you very much! it definitely was a very difficult time… thankfully I have been able to deal with my friends suicide better, because I got to do emdr with a therapist, but the other thing is still weighing very heavy on me…
i used to be in therapy, which helped a lot, but sadly I don’t have that anymore and finding a new therapist is difficult and comes with 1-2 years wait time on average :0

@@HeartSupport thank you so much for your empathy, and sharing from yourself as well, it really makes me feel heard, thank you
the thing when I was 15 was coersion into things that made me feel like nothing but a piece of meat… it’s difficult to feel like you’re in control (of the situation, yourself, your life, everything) when this happens. and it leaves a dark shadow anything that happens afterwards… especially in combination with being trans it makes things horribly difficult
ironically even though my friend’s suicide hurt like hell and left me struggling a lot, it also led to me promising to myself that I wouldn’t try suicide unless I was 110% sure, which has led to me doing a lot less harm to myself. I still sometimes consider it, but this definitely raised the threshold to take (harmful) action about these thoughts
there is one thing, where, if that happened, I wouldn’t fight the urge, but it is not very likely and I am already working on something else that has the positive side effect of fixing this

and thank you so much for listening/reading and helping others, it takes a lot of strength and compassion to help others like that