I lost the most important thing to me

So sorry for the word vomit that is about to happen, but i don’t really have anywhere else to turn at the moment. I lost my partner , no he didn’t die but he broke up with me because i broke a promise to him. Basically instead of talking to him first about feeling suicidal , i went straight to the hospital even though i promised him i would talk to him first. So now im kicked out , have no partner and have no clue what to do. He says that i need to focus on myself and get my shit together, that im not functioning as a adult.

I just im lost , scared and don’t know how to focus on myself to be honest. I don’t know what that looks like and all i want is him back. He said if in a year i can prove im doing better he will get back with me, and all i want is that. But im so scared that it won’t happen, and i’ll still be stuck here in this hell that i so badly attempted to escape but fucked up my chance at doing it.

I want to relapse so bad again with cutting, because right now it’s the only thing i can control and it will give me the craving im needing which is control of something. I just im all over the place, and just really need someone to talk to because i honestly don’t know if it’s good for me to be alone.

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Hi Aleister.
First of all I am so sorry you are going through this. I know it must be very hard for you. I am honestly glad you decided to seek help. To be completely honest I am a bit puzzled by the behavior of your partner. Why did he want you to go first to him? He is not a proffesional or is he? I know that he might feel like he would help you but seeking the help of a proffesional is honestly a better option in situations like these. I just dont know why did he make you made that promise in the first place and why did he care so much about it. Shouldnt he be glad that you are alright and that you are getting the help you need? Also I understand that he might feel it is a bit too much on him but still abandoning someone when they are down and then say that they can return when they are doing better… Doesnt seem like something that a person who truly cares about us would do. I know you feel hearthbroken right now but in my eyes you did the right thing by seeking help. I dont think you should blame yourself for this. Try to focus on yourself and how to make your life better, not because of your partner but for yourself. I really hope you will get better Aleister. Hang in there :heart:

hi there
first of all WELL DONE in getting yourself help!

I echo Ashwell’s questions, why would he be mad you got help directly? It’s a bit of a strange promise because the first and foremost concern when someone is suicidal is that they are SAFE and with people who can help. So it should never have been a promise “to talk to him first”, but a promise to “talk to someone first before you attempt anything injurious”.

in the kindest way possible, I don’t think your ex really is the best person to influence your recovery journey. He sounds to have a very odd idea of what is helpful or beneficial to you right. Going to the hospital where you can have professionals with better strategies and recovery plans for you is a much better way to move forward.

We’re here for you, friend. Write as much as you, share as often as you need to feel better. We’re here for you. You are loved for you, not for a future you or anything like that. You as you are now is enough. You matter. We’re not going away, someone will always be at your side here :slight_smile:

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Hi Aleister,

I’m so sorry that you’re going thru this and I can actually relate. My xhusband asked for a divorce after I had been in the hospital a few times for addiction and suicide attempts. So much for in sickness and in healthy right? I struggled for a couple years because of this loss in my life until I found a man who showed me what real love and support looks like. We have been together for over 12yrs now and he has seen me at my worse, but still loves me and supports me. My xhusband was ignorant and not very supportive at all and I’m so happy that things ended with him.

You deserve someone who will support you and love you, not fill you with guilt and give you ultimatums. That’s not a healthy relationship. :hrtlegolove:

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From: ManekiNeko

I just want to echo the thoughts saying how proud I am of you for reaching out when you needed help. You certainly did the right thing. I’m so sorry your partner didn’t respond in the most helpful way to you, I’m not sure what the reasoning is there, but I think you have really done such a huge self service. I hope you’re doing okay. I’m so so glad you’re here with us

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