I want to talk to him, but it’s no use, I’m worthless. Why did he hurt me? Why did he stare at me after he hurt me? Why did he smile at me while I wasn’t looking when people told me before? It’s confusing, I’m so emotionless and heartbroken… I cant even like someone else because I still love him, idk what to do, i don’t know if he hates me or not… I sure do hell i hope not… i cant move on, I’ve tried but… it didn’t work out… I want help… I dont feel the same without him… it’s been 4 months since we last seen each other… graduation.
I know the feeling to just desperately want to see and talk to someone so bad. That’s how I was with my ex boyfriend. I 100% thought he was the guy I was going to spend my life with. And he wasn’t. (I say it in past tense because he took his life about a year ago, but that’s a different conversation.) My point is that things happen for a reason. Time goes on, and things get better. You need to remind yourself that you are good enough, and that you don’t deserve to be hurt. It’s easy to forgive him, but he hurt you.
It’s okay to miss him, but don’t let yourself fall back into anything. You deserve the best, and shouldn’t accept anything less.
I’m sorry you are going through a heartbreak. You will go through this. You have people in your life who loves you, and there will be with you and for you thick and thin. Take good care of yourself.