My sister grew up saying she would never drink, because our dad was an alcoholic and his continual drinking and abusive behavior caused our parents to split. Around 22 my sister did start drinking and quickly slumped into similar alcoholic tenancies as my dad. Over 7 years the problem only got worse, and she was so turned off by therapy, AA, and any other sort of professional help and guidance. I think she knew she had a problem but didn’t think anyone could help her. It seemed from the outside that she liked playing the victim. She was causing so much pain to herself and everyone in our family.
She had to move back into my mom’s house around 3 years ago. My sister would get drunk and pick aggressive verbal fights with my mom. I had to separate myself from my sister about 2 years ago, because every conversation ended with her blaming me for her life’s problems, calling me selfish and entitled. It broke me.
We just had to take action and finally hosted an intervention. She continued to be aggressive throughout the process and spit on the kitchen floor when I tried to talk to her. After a ton of episodes and a few hours later she finally decided to a facility. I’m hoping she’s getting better. But my suggestion is to talk to other people that your boyfriend is close to (friends or family) and let them know how you are feeling, because likely they have similar interactions and feelings. And if you don’t feel comfortable with that, find a support group that can help you through dealing with these complications in your relationship. It is so empowering to come together and support the other people who are affected by the heartbreaking issues around alcoholic behavior. It hurts, but it heals. I wish you all the best. Just remember that his actions are never your fault. He is choosing to react in the way that he does. You are not any less for that.