I’m afraid of relapsing

I don’t mean to make this too long, but I’m just scared at what is to come in the next month or so. I was addicted to drugs for 4 years of my life, and I’m only 23. I never had the best relationship with my parents to begin with, honestly my grandmothers raised me more than my parents ever did. After finally getting clean, 6 months later my grandmother (whom I lived with and who raised me the most) died. I completely lost it and went right back into what I’d been fighting off for those 6 months. I just got news this week that my other grandmother is terminal and doesn’t even have a month left. After she’s gone, I’m pretty much alone. I’m deathly scared that I will go back to everything that I’ve been trying to stay off of for the past few years. I like to think I’m level headed enough and far enough removed from everything to relapse again, but the truth is I don’t know what I’m going to do when she’s gone. Last time this happened I went right back to what I knew would numb the pain and had suicidal thoughts. I am just honestly scared that I will relapse, or find some other self destructive means to numb the pain of losing the last person that raised me or being alone.

@SinningSaint,

I am so sorry to hear about your grandmother, that sucks. I am glad that you felt like this is something you can share in this community.
You’re right, you don’t know what’s going to happen but you are strong and a fighter. I believe that whatever comes your way, you can make it through.

Keep fighting and stay strong!

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@SinningSaint first off I want to say well done on getting clean. I’m 22 and I have been addicted to drugs for around 7 years. I’m very early on in my recovery, but I have a huge fear of relapsing too. It’s a terrifying thought, to have fought so hard for so long and then suddenly have it stripped away. You’re not alone though. We are all here for you. With the help of people here at HeartSupport, I started attending Narcotic Anonymous meetings, I currently do them online for the reason that I don’t drive and my parents don’t know. They’ve really helped me a lot, and I hope you find the strength to reach out too. You’re never alone, we’re here for you

Hold Fast
Kayla

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