I’ve had depression and anxiety for years. Add on some PTSD from 2014 and last December, I was in a dark place and considered suicide. I was just too buried, too empty and my brain was convincing me of terrible things.
I asked for help. Went to the ER, ended up in the hospital. Started feeling better. Like I want to live. Actually live. I haven’t felt like this since I was a teenager.
In the hospital, I had my family to fight for and look forward to. Once I was out of the hospital, my wife left me. The suicidal thoughts broke her and she can’t cope with my illness anymore.
I have been on a leave of absence from work since December to try and fully get my shit together. (The divorce made getting healthy very difficult.) I started back yesterday and was told that I have been removed from my position at work. They gave poor reasoning, and I think you can come to the same conclusions that I have for why I was removed. (I was a Human Resources Manager).
I can’t take any more. It’s all too much and I feel like I’ve lost everything. Im having those feelings again. Thinking about a plan again. But I’m scared to death to tell anyone because last time it cost me everything.
I’m hoping just writing it here will be enough for me to pull through.
I’ve lost most of my support system through all this.
I don’t want to die, but life is such a heavy burden. Why am I thinking about this again?!!
Hey @Toast, first of all welcome to the Heart Support community! I hope that this can be a place where you feel welcomed and loved. Thank you so much for being here and sharing because man that takes so much strength and vulnerability.
It sounds like you can’t catch a break right now, so I am so sorry to hear about everything that you are going through. I’ve had similar experiences of depression and anxiety and have at least somewhat of an idea of what you are going through and know how terrible and exhausting of a headspace that can be. I am sorry friend. Life can just be so much some times.
I think it takes so much strength to reach out for help, so thank you for being here.
I hope that writing that out brought you some peace, but I would also encourage you to continue to reach out to this community and feel free to reach out to me personally. I also posted some great resources below that might be helpful as well. There are so many great people that are here to support you and that want the best for you. Hopefully we can be some sort of support system for you. You are not alone.
Im sorry that you have had go through all of that stuff. We are all here for you here and ik it might sound dumb when things are tough but life can always get better.
hey friend. 2 years ago I was removed from my position at work and I thought my life was over. my job had become my identity, I was Katie, CPhT. i didn’t know at the time I was so much more. I was also katie, a friend, a sister, a daughter and QUEEN of my domain. the last 2 years I have learned these things about myself. losing my job was the best thing that ever happened to me
I told someone I was having the thoughts. They weren’t strong urges, they were just under the surface. I’m feeling better today. Writing here helped as well. Thanks for all the positive thoughts.
