I ended up not killing myself that night, but in my life when one thing good comes another good thing must go, met a girl who treats me good and listens and is good to me. As rightfully so I lost my job. They fired me because they said it would be in my best interest to step down so I have less on my plate. I’m eating ramen noodles and barely able to afford my stupid hotel room now, so it will be back to the streets. But knowing my luck if I go and look and get a better job or one that pays just as much, I’ll probably lose my girl. I don’t know why my life is like this. That job meant a lot to me. Then they fire me for, “my own well being”. I can’t keep doing this shit. I was willing to give everything including my life to defend this country, I was gonna take a bullet for someone I’d never know, and this is my reward? Homeless, jobless, disowned by my family, thrown away like the nothing I am. I just wish I had a different life. The saddest part is by now I’m used to my fucked up life. I’m used to no family around, used to nothing going the way it should, used to giving everything I have just to be thrown away. I’m used to all this shit. I’m just defeated. I’m numb. I don’t feel anything.
Hey @dampbread. I can’t change things for you but I’m glad you found a great girl. Maybe you should talk to her about how you feel about gaining one good thing in life and losing another. I hope you find another job soon.
Hold Fast
Hang in there brother. It gets better. I don’t know when or how but I do know that this too shall pass. The feeling or worthlessness are not only shared by you…many people feel this way and I have seen thousands get through it and move on to bigger better things in life. Are you religious my friend? If so, visit your church and share your feelings and what is going on. Many times they can help you with some of these issues. Just don’t give up! You are loved and needed here. Reach out if you want to talk anymore about it.
joefor88
Hey man - thanks for being willing to get on here and tell people that you don’t even know what you’re going through. I hope it helps to get it out into the world, and I hope our words help you too.
I just want you to know that I hear you. I’m a Vet myself, and it makes my angry that my brothers are hurting. I think back to (and this is a little dramatic I know) that scene in the first Rambo, where he breaks down sobbing because "I used to be in charge of million dollar equipment! I could fly helicopters and drive tanks! And now I can’t get a job washing cars!"
It doesn’t make sense does it? I just want you to know that I acknowledge that, and I hear you, and I want you to know that you can trust me, and you can trust this community. Please, email me at [email protected]. I can’t promise to make sense of things, but I can promise that I will listen to you.
- John