Sorry I’ve been M.I.A lately but I recently came across some problems that I managed to cause all on my own. As you can see my the title that’s how I feel that I am. Awful doesn’t even fit to what I am , I feel lower than that. I was going through some awful time trying to get the love of my life back and it was working until I fucked it up. I hurt her in every way you can possibly think. I know everything that she tells me from, “asshole” , “piece of shit” , and “ I don’t deserve her” she’s absolute right about everything. I had a chance to make it right again but no now I lost it all. She deserve everything she gave me , and I wasn’t able to give her I just want her to please find the love she always gave me. Whatever that comes now from being alone , I deserve it , whatever comes from everybody thinking negative about myself yeah I deserve that too. I guess all I’m trying to say is that I just want her now to be happy. For her to find love & for her to never think of me again. I don’t deserve anything good in my life honestly . I won’t be able to forgive myself . I won’t be able to think of any positive things in a bit. My advice that I would like to share is that if you love somebody and you guys aren’t together at the moment still fight for your love and make sure to let them know it’s them who you only want. Don’t make them think they’re in competition with anybody else. Lately I hope and pray for happiness for her , and forgive me for what I have done even though I don’t deserve shit.
You deserve every bit of happiness, love, and compassion that everyone else does. I’m sorry to hear that it didn’t work out with her, at least for now, but please don’t talk down to yourself like that. She deserves nothing but happiness and love, but you are no different. Everybody makes mistakes, and trust me, I know what it feels like to be completely consumed with past mistakes of hurting other people. But I PROMISE, there is life beyond that pain, guilt, and shame. There really is. It may not end up being with this same person, but it will come. My best advice would be to make amends with her wherever possible – simply asking for forgiveness but nothing more, etc. And then I would say to try to forgive yourself, because you deserve forgiveness just as much as the next person. After that I think it will be much easier for you to think with a clear mind and focus on what’s next. It will be easier to focus on what you change in the future, what you can do differently, etc. Change is always good, and everybody needs improvement on something. Nobody is perfect.
Don’t be too hard on yourself, man. It’s really okay. The fact that you posted here looking to find a solution to this proves you’re not a terrible person. You’re trying to make things better however possible, and you’re even willing to share this with people you have never met. That shows you have the courage and the strength to get through this. You are not alone, my friend. It will be okay.
Hold fast. We believe in you.
i’m not new at the whole hating myself thing, i’m just now learning to let it go. as much as i convinced myself that i was completely worthless and awful, it gets better, somehow God helped me through the countless nights i spent crying myself to sleep. i remember a time where my best friend had hurt me so much and i completely shut him out of my life and it left a whole and then i found out he had cut himself because of it, burned himself in the shower and i’m sure other things. he hated himself and it ripped me to shreds even more than the actual hurt had. i hate to admit that i still ignored him, seeing him, thinking about him, it hurt really bad. eventually i forgave him. he’s not an awful person, no matter how much it hurt, neither am i despite how much i hurt him, and neither are you.
you deserve just as much happiness as she does. i know it seems impossible but God forgives you. (over my head by the fray, i don’t know if you like the fray but it was playing and it fits). i’m praying for you. i believe in you, you can get through this. i did, you can too. i know this kind of healing takes a miracle, but God can do anything. have faith. he’s got this, he can get you through this, you just have to trust him (no matter how hard it may be at times, just try, please).
@erick_ocampo, you made mistakes, big ones. But you’re not perfect. Don’t hate yourself. She may be furious at you and not want you in her life, but she wouldn’t want you to hate yourself.
Forget the mistake. Remember the lesson.
Hey @erick_ocampo - We all make mistakes; that’s a part of life. What matters is how we go about recovering from our mistakes. We have the choice to beat ourselves down or to learn from the mistakes that we made. Don’t be too hard on yourself. Respect what happened, and learn & grow from it. I’ve made devastating mistakes in the past, and, in the moment I thought I would never record, but alas, not only did I recover, but I’m a better man because of it. Hold fast. We believe in you.