So, it’s not often I leave streams early because it’s one of the only places I feel safe, but, tonight I had to. I was sat with a knife in hand just… crying. Hurting so much but didn’t know how to stop the hurt.
I’m at a loss of what to do or where to go. Im so close to moving out of an incredibly toxic home environment, but, my manager informed me today people at work have been saying some really horrible stuff about me, so, is moving out even going to help when I still have this going on?
I can’t quit my job, I can’t report it because, as I said, my manager knows… After our conversation I actually hoped that I would be hit by a car on the way home… That obviously didn’t happen. Now I just feel so lost and, I’ve had enough. I pray and I pray, I keep on top of step work, I reach out, but, something or someone’s always turns things upside down.
I’ve made a post about being at the bottom before, but, tonight… I mean it. I’m at my breaking point and I don’t know how much more I can take before I’m pushed over the edge.
I’m sorry that this is really vague, but, I can’t even bring myself to talk about the things that have been said at work.
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary feeling or problem. As you stated you will be able to move out soon, check that off the list of getting to a better place.
You may not be able to quit your job right now but you can look for one- apply when you can; don’t settle with what you have. One day, that won’t be your job and you’ll be in an even better place.
Moving out will help. Once you’re out you’ll have a safe place to go after work, and you won’t be under so much pressure anymore. Also, it’s not the first time people at work get nasty, and still they’re keeping you there. I’m not saying you should shrug it off as nothing cause that could be a risky move, but you’re always there doing your best, so, chances are they need you about as much as you need them. And as Lys said, you don’t need to be unemployed to look for a job. It’ll get better, one less toxic environment at a time <3
I know things are hard right now. It seems like things will never get better. The hurt is too much and you just want it to end. I hear you, friend. Keep holding on. Hold on to hope. You have all of us. You are not alone. Keep reaching out. We are here.