So about a month ago I actually felt semi-happy for once. My job was ok, I had plenty of money, I just felt good. Now I feel like I’m at the bottom again. And what’s sad is it was all because of one thing.
See I’ve never had a girlfriend before and about three ago I gave up trying to date and work on myself. I definitely have my bad habits and things I still try to work on but I’ve been doing better than in the past. Now I feel like I’m back where I was three years ago. Depressed, alone and feeling like dying. I was finally getting used to being single and didn’t care that I didn’t have a girlfriend. I finally was ok being around other people who had their gf or bf with them. Then this girl at my work messaged me and said she really liked me. I liked her too. So we started hanging out and after the third date she stopped messaging me all together. And whenever I date anyone, it always ends on the third date. Idk why and now I just feel more lonely than ever. I’m tired of trying to put myself out there just for things to end on the third date. I’m sick of wasting my time on someone else to just end up in a place of self hatred. And I don’t understand why I always think having a gf would be so great anyways. I just want to be happy but I act like having a gf is the only thing that will make me happy. I feel like all the self improvement I’ve made is gone. Idk if I’m looking for advise or I’m just pissed off at myself for thinking things would be different this time. Relationships suck…
Relationships can be very difficult I will agree with you there. Let me reassure you that you working on yourself isn’t for nothing. I encourage you to keep doing that. That alone can bring happiness and you can carry a sense of pride with you knowing how far you have come. Don’t forget that. Although you long for a relationship, you don’t need one to be happy. Give it time, and someone will walk into your life without you even trying.
Love you. Thank you for being vulnerable. You need enough confidence for yourself before trying to pour into someone else. Please look for someone who you trust who can encourage to help you realize that
Dating sucks, and it may feel like she pulled the scab off, but you did 3 years of healing and growth. It may hurt now, but she can’t take those 3 years away from you. I took 6 months off of dating once, and just that was enough to make me less codependent. It didn’t make dating suck less, but I knew I’d be okay single.
She probably liked what she saw in you that you’d grown in yourself: strength, independence, and confidence. We usually know if the relationship is worth pursuing by the end of the third date, and maybe she didn’t think your personalities or values would jive. We don’t fall in love with and marry every single person we date, and that’s a very good thing. Now, do you want to settle for someone who looks down on something you bring to the table, just for the sake of being in a relationship? Do you want to settle for someone who’s tired of you after only 3 dates? Do you want to settle? You deserve more. Ghosting is the ultimate passive-aggressive cop out, but it’s a reflection of her character, not yours. You deserve someone better than that.
Putting yourself out there was a really positive step after 3 years of refection and self improvement. Now you know you are worth enough all by yourself. You are a whole person, and if you can be enough for yourself, you are more than enough for the right relationship. Don’t stress it. Go on dates when you feel like it, and don’t go when you don’t feel like it. You’ve got this.
I feel the same way man, I have been single for so so long and havent be able to find anything that even makes it to a date, but there is someone out there and its hard now but once you find the one, it will all be worth it because the happiness you feel is going to be incredible. thats what its keeping me going
Hey Lukas, I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been dealing with these dates not following through the way you’d hoped that they would have. Relationships are extremely difficult, sometimes they fail before they’ve even started to pick up speed, and sometimes they fail two years in when you least expect it. It’s a very scary thing, especially when both people involved aren’t on the same page about what they want out of it.
The fact that every date you’ve been on has seemed to fail after the third one is definitely something that can mess with your emotions, and it makes you conditioned to feel that it’s ALWAYS going to go that way when you do go on a date with someone. I’ve had a some failed relationships in my past as well, of course we all have, and the best advice I can give you is to just take time doing things for yourself while you’re and take time loving yourself as well. I know this sounds cliche but as soon as you stop looking for the right person, that’s when someone worth your time and worth your attention will come into your life.
I had gone through an extremely rough and hateful relationship with my previous partner that needless to say ended on bad terms. I felt like no one was ever going to be able to love me for me and I had in some ways given up on myself when it came to relationships - I spent a lot of time on Twitch and actually ended up meeting now my husband through the platform. The point I’m making with my story is that your special person could be anywhere, and you’ll likely stumble upon them when you least expect it.
I know it’s hard right now but the right person is out there for you - and when you do finally meet them it will make up for all the times in the past that you’ve suffered. You’re deserving of love, commitment, happiness and peace. Remind yourself of that every day. I’m rooting for you!
