I’m Close to a Not Great Thing

I’m close. I’m close to my breaking point. To the point of no return. I’m close to just not caring at al or putting any thought into anything ever again. I’m close to just letting my mind take over. Letting my thoughts dictate my actions. Not caring what kind of thoughts they are. Just letting them take the lead for a while. I’m close to Jude letting go. Just letting myself be free. Free from all the things that hold me back. Free from all the fears that stop me from letting me see what I can do. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m not scared of what I can’t do, but I’m scared of what I can do. I don’t want to be scared anymore. I just want to have peace. I’m close to letting peace come in whatever form it wants to. I’m very, very close to not hiding from it.

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To be so close to that breaking point is scary. I’m so sorry you are there right now. I’m glad you chose to come here to talk it out through!

These almost sound like intrusive thoughts, especially where you mentioned that you’re scared of what you can do. I’ve definitely struggled with those before, and they are scary to combat and push away. Are you seeing a therapist for these thoughts you are having? The biggest thing that helped me was learning coping skills that helped deal with them.

It’s a scary thing to not be in control of our own mind, and to reach that point where you just want to give up and let it take over. Recognize that they are simply thoughts–just that, nothing more. Try to distract yourself as much as possible whenever a thought comes into your head. Sometimes physically saying out loud “NO” or “GO AWAY” helps regain some sense of control, too.

I’m so glad you felt comfortable enough to come here and talk to us about it. Just keep going, hang in there, we are here for you any time you need to talk it through.

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Good Morning Fae,
Thank you for coming here to vent out some of your thoughts. I can relate and remember when I too wanted to just let go and accept the next idea that came to mind. It is extremely easy to just give in and even more rewarding when you know you pushed yourself to keep moving forward. I know you are strong and can overcome these dark thoughts. Please stay strong and keeps moving forward. At certain points during this time of pain it may feel like you are not loved or won’t be missed but you will be missed and you are loved. Just keep coming back because you will find support here. We have all been there and we are here for you and each other. I hope to hear from you soon regardless of good or bad progress, we are here for you and willing to help.

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Hi Friend, It sounds like you’re pretty overwhelmed with life and that sucks, I’m so sorry. I’ve been there too, so I can relate to how you’re feeling. You’re at that point where you just don’t care anymore, but at the same time you’re being strong and using coping skills you’ve learned to keep you from breaking. I’m hoping that since it’s been a few days you’re feeling a bit better now. I know for me I’ll get overwhelmed and just kind of shut the world out for a day or so and I can kind of recharge myself. Let us know how you are doing. ~Mystrose


Dearest @FaeTheProud,

Your exhaustion is completely heard, and so much felt. No matter what are the reasons behind, this is how you feel today, and it’s very brave of you to put words on it, really. Over the years you’ve never ceased to inspire me - through your honesty, vulnerability and incredible resilience. You’ve been leading some tough battles and there are many reasons to remind yourself of how strong you are, if you look back, even just a little bit.

But sometimes we need a break. Just freaking break from everything, especially what we can’t control. Not mentioning how much working on our mental health on a daily basis takes energy, focus… Some days we want to throw it all away. It makes sense to feel tired, fed up, and to be tempted by the voices of old patterns or harmful thoughts. There are moments when these thoughts almost become like music to our ears… It is seducing, appealing, attracting. But oh my friend this call for darkness is not for you. You yourself are such a light. This darkness feels safe from the outside, but you know rationally that it isn’t. And I can tell: it is not where you belong. There is so much more for you to live.

May I ask what is causing you this exhaustion these days? Do you manage to identify some causes, even if it’s been accumulating for a while? There are reasons, and identifying them will help you to 1/ separate your worth and life from your struggles; 2/ distinguish what is in your control or not; 3/ consider one very simple step for each stressors in your life, that wouldn’t have to be all addressed at once either.

Fae, you are so very loved. You belong. Please keep relying on your online family right here. At the opposite of these voices and dark calls, we are holding your hand and we are willing to help you feel safe again. I’m thinking of you and looking forward to hear some updates from you, if you are comfortable doing so. :hrtlegolove:


From: Lisalovesfeathers

Hey Phaetheproud, Thank you for your post, I am so very sorry that you are feeling so low. It is hard to care about anything or anyone when every thought in your head is negative and telling you that you and your life is just not worth the effort which is why I am so grateful that you posted here. If your negative thoughts are going to tell you that then please allow us to tell you the truth You have been posting here a long time and people have watched and noticed how far you have come and have watched how much progress you have made, you are an amazing person with so much going for you and you are deserving of so much more and if I could physcially remove those bad thoughts from your head I would. They are just thoughts Phae, nothing more, they are not factual. You can do anything you want in this life, just decide and go for it, you may have to work hard, you may have to overcome hurdles but that doesnt mean you cant do it, it just means when you get there, you earned it in style. I wish nothing but the best for you and I know that you deserve it. Take a rest for a bit, decide what you want and go for it. Love Lisalovesfeathers. x


Hi Fae,
your struggle sounds like you are fighting a lot against your own mind, which can at times be our worst enemy. No wonder you are so exhausted and feel like you are about to break. I wish you wouldn’t have to struggle with such dark thoughts. The fact that you are scared of yourself tells me that you still want to live and not give up everything; just because we can do something doesn’t mean we should.
Do you have someone in your life you can talk to about what is going on in your mind, about how these dark thoughts are invading your mind? I believe in this situation it is very important to find somebody you can trust and you can talk to, so you don’t have to carry this burden alone.


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