I’m not one to be in a friend group. I tend to feel left out and rejected. I feel the most comfortable with 1 very close friendship. And every single day I’m craving to have a best friend that I can say whatever I want to and won’t be judged for it. I’m afraid my lack of social interaction, anxiety, and depression impact my ability to really feel that connection with someone. I honestly cry every time I see 2 best friends having such a fun time. I feel alone because of my depression and anxiety. The lack of motivation to actually make plans with someone and the anxiety about being judged or feeling dumb and awkward. I’m quite extroverted when I’m with people I’m use to like my coworkers or something but I can’t seem to get that kind of confidence in my personal life. I don’t like interacting with coworkers outside of work because of bad past experiences. So I don’t really have any other way of getting that fulfillment that I need. I need a friend. A best friend.
thank you for reaching out again to us, sharing your worries.
A lot of people can relate to that, me also. Being social, becoming friends drains a lot of energy.
you have someone close. have you tried to speak about your toughts with him ?
with your lack of motivation, try to make little progress, remind yourself of your steps. do one thing
after another. it will help, that helped me a lot. when you deal with depression, in my case, routines
are something that make me feel comfortable. build them up. things that will go automatically.
so you will have energy for other things. don’t rush yourself. this will take time. go for a walk
maybe your friends has some more friends you can do something with them, hang out for a while
or go out.
are you in therapy or in a self help group ? this might a thing you can consider, if you don’t already
has started something.
About the past experience that you had, to learn to trust people is difficult. but it is worth it. the right
people will be there for you when you reach out to them, and support you. i hope so much that you will
you will overcome this, you are strong my Friend. you matter and deserve all the best, have
a nice day and feel hugged.
When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time without friends. Our family kept getting evicted from places, which meant changing schools, in fact, 13 of them in nine years. Much of the time, I considered my best friend to be furry and have four legs.
I think for most people, the kind of friendship you desire is kind of rare. I’ve only had a handful of such friends in my entire life. To decide if a person can be such a friend, means to make yourself vulnerable, hopefully, just a little bit at first.
You mention anxiety and depression, and it seems as though you are experiencing that because of your fear of being judged. Keep in mind, you are better off without judgmental friends.
Is there a chance that you are being judgmental towards yourself in a way that diminishes your confidence? The kind of person who is a good friend, is also a friend to themselves. Friends try to understand each other. Being your own friend, and working towards self understanding, is instrumental in learning empathy, and knowing how to be a friend to others. That is a basis for being confident around others.
Quiet confidence attracts people, which increases the chance that among them, you may find a friend.
Besides coworkers, what opportunities do you have to meet people? Maybe you can hook up with others who are involved with some kind of hobby activity. If you do volunteer work, there is a chance you will meet other altruistic people.
Finally, if your focus is on other people, there will be less likelihood of you focusing on your insecurity. I am a super super introvert, but have had to do some public speaking. When in front of a group, I’d usually start off feeling nervous, and getting tongue tied. Then, I started to concentrate on what I wanted to talk about, instead of how nervous I was. I also worked on feeling affection for those in my audience, which also helped diminish my self-consciousness.
Talking to people in small groups, or even individuals, can lead to feelings of connection, if you use the same principles. When it involves individuals, those principles take the form of being a really good listener, and having an open heart towards the individual you’re talking to. Really good listeners are rare. Many people have the habit of thinking about what they are going to say, rather than really listening to the person who is talking.
I know it’s not quite the same as having someone in the same room with you, but you really are among friends here.
Making friends can be hard for a lot of people. I know I’m not the greatest at meeting people. It’s a bit ironic to say that you’re not alone, but you’re not. Maybe you could start with joining in on activities and hobbies. My friend started doing these crafts classes and now they meet up with some of those people more regularly. It can be hard to put yourself out there, but if you find someone who has something you like in common it can make it easier to start a friendship.
I want you to know that it is completely valid to feel the way you are feeling. One of the things that I have discovered in the past few years is that I am quite content with having a solid smallish group of friends that I trust with being myself with. I don’t feel like I truly have a ‘best friend’ but rather, a bunch of ‘best friends.’ Maybe that will be the same for you. Take it one day at a time. Give yourself grace. Be kind to yourself. Thank you for being a part of this world.
It’s good to hear from you again, ashleyneedscomfort. I know finding a connection can be really difficult, especially when you struggle to interact with people. I feel like most people want someone in their life they can be open with and be themselves with. And it can be really difficult to find those people but if you do not try to interact then you will never find someone you can connect with in such a powerful way. The way I’ve found my current irl best friend is he was a coworker and you’ve said you had bad experiences in the past but that and the internet are the only ways I’ve really found to connect with people in real ways. The best way I can think of for you to try and find someone to befriend is to go do things you enjoy doing and try to find a friend that way. What activities do you enjoy?
Also you could try an app for finding friends maybe. I used to use Patook for a bit to get better at talking to people. It is like a dating app but for finding platonic friendships. And hey there is always the HeartSupport community. Have you ever stopped by a stream at Twitch ? There are some really awesome people hanging out in the chats during stream. You may make an internet friend through there.
I can understand the desire for a best friend and I agree that we don’t all need lots of friends to feel fulfilled but I find the best way to find people is to try gaining a few friends and hope that one or more becomes really strong to the point of a “best friend”
I hope you can find a way to reach out to people and put yourself in a situation where you feel comfortable being yourself and finding some people to befriend. Good luck, and remember we are always here
Hi Friend, welcome to Heart Support and thank you for posting what’s on your heart. I think the best way to find a best friend is to force yourself to put yourself out there. You can find groups/activities that the city you live in offers. Some Churches have activities for singles and I know that you suffer from anxiety, but hanging out at popular spots is a good way too. I think it’s nice to have a few really good friends, because each one can give you something different and you them. There are also apps where you can met people in your area too, although I have never used them or know too much about them. It’s an idea. Have you thought about therapy to work on your issues? Coping skills can come in handy! ~Mystrose
Hey Friend, good to meet you, I am so sorry you are feeling so alone right now, that is tough. I can truly relate to what you are saying. I spend 95% of my time alone at home, I am very lucky that I have good online friends to talk to but it is rare that I see people in real life. I can understand how needing that one on one friendship can be so difficult and something you are craving. What do you like to do to enjoy yourself? if you were going to go somewhere, where would you go? when you do go to places do you speak to people? Also I understand that interacting with co workers can be awkward but if you were to venture to work occasions with them, they may bring people along (friends, friends of friends) that you dont work with and that could become friends of yours. You do have to make effort to meet people if this is what you want, I know its difficult and we are here to support you as much as you need but once you make that first step you will be on your way to a fun new life. Best of luck, Lisa. x