I’m dating someone, but no one knows

For context:
I’m female and my partner is male.
He’s 18
I’m 17

My problem:
Right now I’m dating a man that I truly love. We’ve been through so much together in the past that it has brought us to be where we are now. In a relationship filled with love for one another. But there’s a catch… no one knows I’m dating him and no one knows he’s dating me. There’s a reason behind this. When my boyfriend was younger he was a bit of a player so to say. He went around from girl to girl and dated them for at least a month or two and then break it off with them. That is, until he met me.
When me and him started dating for the first time, it was perfect. Sure we had a few small disagreements here and there but that’s normal. We got along so well and we loved each other so much. This is the man I trusted with my virginity and I don’t regret it to this day. We dated for longer then his past relationships, 10 months to be exact. But, then he graduated early from high school and he ended it. I was devastated, but I knew why. He got accepted into college and long distance wasn’t the best option for us. His college was on the other side of our state. So there was no way for us to meet, because I can’t drive yet. I was heartbroken and I cried for days after he left for college. This is where things get bad… because I was so devastated that I couldn’t be with him, my mother and step-dad thought he left me because he didn’t care about me and they turned against him. Anything I said to try and explain why he left they never listened.
At the end of my junior year of high school. He finished his education at that collage and came back to live in our city. I was so excited for him to come back and he was staying for good this time!
We immediately got back together and made up for lost time. We would chat and hangout almost every day. It was amazing to see him back home.
The thing is though… we haven’t told anyone that we are back together. Whenever I ask my parents about hanging out with him they always roll their eyes and sigh. They would reluctantly let me go hang out with him. For his family, it’s horrible. Because of him bouncing between girls in high school his mother hates it when he dates people. She always nags at him and just doesn’t agree with him at all. She’s always on his back about where he is all the time and what he’s doing. He’s 18…Calling her a helicopter isn’t an exaggeration. On Sunday we got in the mood and had sex but, his condom broke. It’s hard to tell when it brakes so he came inside of me. At first we weren’t to worried because I’m on birth control and we did it the day after my period ended. That was until after I came home that day and found out that my mother didn’t call to get my birth control refilled… I started to panic and I texted him immediately. On Monday we went to a store and he got me the “Plan B Pill”. I took it as soon as I got home and I’ve been having stomach pain and have felt dizzy for all of today… It doesn’t really help that I got sick as well but at least I have an excuse to stay home. I just say, “I’m really sick.”
Neither of our parents or friends know about us dating because we are scared to face our parents. It’s sounds cliché but we are like Romeo and Juliet. (Without the death) We have to keep our relationship a secret because of our parents views about us being together. After this scare, I just want to tell our parents about everything, but I can’t. The fear of their judgement is on both me and my boyfriend’s backs. We’re terrified about what will happen if we tell anyone about our relationship… We’re stuck…

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Yea, that all sounds really really rough. I’m sure your parents are just looking out for you out of love and concern. As any parent would. They want what’s best for you and don’t want to see you hurt. I’m sure if you were the parent in that situation you’d very likely be just as concerned. It’s only natural.

But on your side, I can understand how difficult that may be to love someone so much and have to have your relationship in hiding. It’s stressful having to keep things on the down low, unable to be freely expressive. I’m really sorry.

I don’t really know how to advise here, other than just be careful. For you.

Everyone deserves a second chance and forgiveness. I’m sorry your boyfriend has to worry about his past choices. Hopefully over time he can regain trust from others. And also hopefully you guys will be able to be more comfortable in your relationship publicly sooner than later.

Much love to you friend. Im sorry I dont fully know what to say. But I see you. I hear you. I care. You matter.

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I see that you are going through something very tricky right now, and I’m sorry about that. As for advice on if you should tell your parents or not, I think the first step is to keep this in mind:

You and your bf are both very young and life holds a lot of opportunities for you both. This has already happened: He broke up with you because his educational opportunity took him far away. He says he is here to stay but you are both very young and life holds a lot for you both. What if he gets another educational or career opportunity? And what about you? Have you thought about the great opportunities you will receive, that may require you to move away?

I hope you are thinking about what you want to pursue for YOUR own individual happiness and success, totally outside your relationship. Because your bf certainly is. He did not let your relationship stop him from going away to college.

I know it upsets you that your parents don’t approve of him. But your parents sound like they want to protect you. If you truly make sure that you are happy and pursuing your own goals, AND that your bf respects and supports you, AND that your relationship happens on both your terms, not just his and whether his opportunities put him far away or keep him close…then there’s nothing to fear in telling your parents :slight_smile: . Because if you make sure of those things, then you know the relationship is fair and that he truly cares about you.

I do hope you are okay after your pregnancy scare and that you keep these things in mind. Making sure you’re fulfilled as an individual person is important for you and any relationship :slight_smile: