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I’m doing bad

I’m been doing really bad. I haven’t been able to stay clean more than an hour. I’ve been punishing myself so badly that I only let myself have like two hours of sleep. I’ve been procrastinating so bad that I’ll probably fail because I’m an idiot. I’m such a fucking idiot. I’m doing so poorly at taking care of myself that I just want to drop but I can’t I have to act all happy and okay and not take care of myself. I took to many days off to early and now have none to take care of myself. This is fantastic

I didn’t have time to eat. I just had to get to school. My parents made me a phichicter appointment for today but didn’t plan how a virtual would work at school so got work that out on my own. I’ve kept hurting my legs and now I’m going to have to march with them like this. I hate myself so badly. I’m sorry that I’ve just completely broken down. I had been doing good. I made to 15 days and then boom I’m a fucking mess that can’t even think anymore.

Such an idiot. I should have eaten but nope had to get going. I should have done the work. Should have done it but I’m stupid procastator that never get’s anything done and never will because I’m stupid idiot that can’t do anything. I’m such an idiot. I deserve nothing. I deserve nothing. Nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing nothing. Idiot. Worthless.

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“I’m a good person because I care about others. I deserve good things to happen to me. I deserve my friends. They care about me not because of what I do but because I’m me. I’m not a bad person. People care about me. They will care about me even if I fail and fall down. They will care about me when I’m having a bad time and when I’m having a good time. I’m worth so much. I’m worth all the love I get. i’m not worthless no matter what I do. I’m worth while. I’m a good person and my music helps people. My music is not trash. It’s actually great. I’m worthy of love and will always be worthy of love. I’m a not bad and I as long as I care I won’t be bad.”

You are not worthless. In fact, you are making progress. It’s just a little bumpy ahead. It’s okay to procrastinate. Sometimes we all need a little break. Especially when things get really bad. You don’t need to compare yourself to the 15 past days. Sure, you did amazing. But now you need to focus on now. Do your best now of what you can. Because there are no expectations. We just need your best no matter what it is, no matter how inconsistent, you got this.

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Thank you. Thank you so much. I needed someone to tell me it’s okay. I really did. Thank you.

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