I’m giving on going to group therapy, the therapist hate me and think me as a creep. I can’t afford DBT therapy and I don’t have good health insurance.
There no point of improving myself, I hate the person what I have become. The evil inside of me, is always there, it reason why I want to cut myself.
I have developed a a distrust in people , which is mostly women. They see me as creep and a loser. They use me and abuse. I had female teachers that abuse me, punch me in the arm and try to control me. Had one that will never have any friends and no woman will ever love me. But honestly, I deserve it, I have did terrible shit that haunted my dreams and mistake that can never be repair. I’m not a good man or a strong person.
I Wish I can commit suicide, but I’m too weak for that too. I’m only alive for my parents. I don’t know what best for me anymore. I think about jump off a building and have everyone to spit my casket. I don’t deserve god grace and love.
I just want the pain to end, I’m giving up