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I’m giving up on mental health/ I’m not a good person

I’m giving on going to group therapy, the therapist hate me and think me as a creep. I can’t afford DBT therapy and I don’t have good health insurance.

There no point of improving myself, I hate the person what I have become. The evil inside of me, is always there, it reason why I want to cut myself.

I have developed a a distrust in people , which is mostly women. They see me as creep and a loser. They use me and abuse. I had female teachers that abuse me, punch me in the arm and try to control me. Had one that will never have any friends and no woman will ever love me. But honestly, I deserve it, I have did terrible shit that haunted my dreams and mistake that can never be repair. I’m not a good man or a strong person.

I Wish I can commit suicide, but I’m too weak for that too. I’m only alive for my parents. I don’t know what best for me anymore. I think about jump off a building and have everyone to spit my casket. I don’t deserve god grace and love.

I just want the pain to end, I’m giving up

hey @Metalskater1990
Your therapist doesnt hate you and your not a creep if they really do then Get a new therapist. And yes their is a point of improving.
You say you hate the person that youve become , then why did u say there no point of improving yourself. You need to improve to become a better version of you. You DO NOT deserve this terrible crap thats happened to you . You deserve better friend.
Friend please do not commite suicide its not worth it , please reach out to a suicide hotline where toy are. Another reason why you are live for besides your family is for YOU . You reached out because something isnt right and you want to become better.

What ever you do do not jump off a building its not worth it , it will only hurt those who care about you . By the way YOU do deserve God’s grace and gods love . You were created for a reason . We want you breathing we want you alive . You are alive because you have breath in your lungs and no ones going to take that away from you .
Let me tell you this you may want the pain to end but giving up is not okay . If you give up its only giving the pain to those who will miss you. Pain is pain but pain is something you can over come with help. We want to help you . We want you to keep reaching out .
There was times where i’ve wanted to give up but i didnt . I have a disability and a disorder but did i give up just because of that? No i didnt! Did i let anyone drag me down because of it ? NO i didnt. Am i different because of it ? yes i am? The point of me saying this is because I chose to fight , i chose to wake up every day spite how im feeling every night/every day . Please dont give up , we want you alive , we want you breathing . . We love you friend . Hold fast!
-Ashley
Crisis resources :

Crisis text line - text HOME to 741741

Suicide hotline - 1-800-273-8255

National suicide prevention chat - http://chat.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/GetHelp/LifelineChat.aspx

National child abuse hotline - 1-800-422-4453

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