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I’m going crazy and i’m in misery I just want to die


#1

Please just let me die in peace i’ve had it with life. Everyday is misery if it isn’t constant panic attacks it’s dealing with de-realization and having racing thoughts, shortness of breath and avoiding all the things I used to love to do so I don’t trigger a panic attack. Sleep is my only relief. I’ve been sleeping on the couch I’m to afraid to sleep in my own bed cause it is bad memories of bad panic attacks. I’m so tired of living I’d rather be sleeping permantly. I hate myself and life.


#2

Hey @bethygal83

I’m Hannah, I’m so sorry to hear you’re having such a hard time. Thank you for sharing a little bit about what you e been going through. It’s not easy to share when we are struggle, so I’m so proud of you for doing so.

I’m not sure what you have been through, but it sounds a bit like you might be struggling with an event or traumatic experience that ya sharpened recently. I’m so sorry if that is the case. I know first hand how hard is is to handle that and honestly there is no way to do that on your own. Which is why it’s so good that you reached out to us her. Asking for help, or just talking about what you’re going through is such a good first step. There are so many people here that care about you and that want to hear your story and want to help you. We see you, and we see your struggle, and you are absolutely not alien. I want you to know that you’re always safe here and that this community cares so much for you and for your life.

I know it’s so hard, but please please keep fighting. Your life has so much meaning and so much value. You are so worth it. You are worth fighting for, this battle is so hard, but we are here to fight it with you. I know it doesn’t seem like there is much to live for right now, but I promise you there is. Live for coffee shops and new movies, for flowers and long walks and fresh air. Live for new friends and old friends, for laughs and for tears. Live for the many more birthdays you will enjoy surrounded by your loved ones. And live for yourself. You’re amazing. Absolutely stunning. You have so much beauty and so much value, please please do not deprive this world of the wonderful gift that you are.

Hold fast, my dear friend, hold fast.
Hannah Presley


#3

Thanks Hannah! It doesn’t help either that my boyfriend is pressuring me to lose weight. I’ve gained 50 lbs since i’ve been on anti-anxiety medicines. Mostly due to comfort eating. My boyfriend says he loves me but that he is not attracted to me at this weight. And he is pressuring me “to get skinny” again. I feel awful about this and gaining the weight and I feel like I might go back to eating disorder behaviors. i’m Bulimic and I’d take laxatives and make myself throw up to not gain weight.


#4

Now he broke it off with me so i’m alone again I don’t know how to feel now.


#5

@bethygal83 I’m sorry. It’s not cool that your boyfriend is pressuring you to lose weight. He cares more about himself than you. If he really does, he should accept of who you are. The ones who don’t accept others cannot accept themselves. They are struggling with their own demons, and they don’t know of how to cope with it in a safe way. You are loved. Love yourself first. Learn to take care of yourself before you take care of someone else. Remember, this community is here with you and for you.


#6

Well he called me this evening and said he was done when I said i’d starve myself for him. I realize now he was emotionally abusive and controlling. And a lot of my problem. I cried a bit and I loved him a lot but he is just a toxic person. Maybe it’s for the best.


#7

He didn’t want to deal with me because I was having panic attacks and I have an eating disorder. He never wanted to fix what was broken. He wanted someone perfect.


#8

@bethygal83 Perfect people don’t exist. You don’t need toxicity in your life. You deserve respect and kindness. Stay away from him. Once again, I’m sorry.


#9

Maybe I should starve myself maybe he is right I am pretty fat and disgusting. Maybe if I starve myself he would come back to me. I don’t blame him for wanting to be a pig like me. He called me a loser and he is right I hate myself. I should just die and make everyone’s life better.


#10

@bethygal83 Don’t starve yourself. It’s not worth it. You should not do anything to bring someone back. Don’t listen to his lies.


#11

Hey @bethygal83

Oh man, that’s so hard. I’m so sorry. But if your boyfriend was telling you you need to be thinner for him to like you then he is absolutely not worth your time. You deserve someone who will see you and love you for your heart and soul and mind and see your body as absolutely beautiful because that how they see you. And you are not something for someone to fix, you’re wonderful. You’re working on yourself, you’re fighting your own demons, and that’s okay. You are so strong, you have over come your eating disorder, don’t let what your ex said drag you into that again. You’re worth so much more than that. If you want to, I would suggest talking to your doctor, weight gain is often a side effect of anxiety or anti-depressant medications, you could talk to your doctor and see if there is a different medication you could be put on or something else you could do if you’d like to lose a little weight. But all that being said, your weigh does not, and will not ever define you. You are wonderful and beautiful and completely capable.

We are here to fight this with you. We are here to encourage you and support you, always.

Hold fast,
Hannah Prelsey


#12

Please know that things can get better. If you know you loved doing things, and were good at them, why do you need to panic. Just start doing them again and your fears will go when you get into them again…

Also, I am assuming you have cats, so please stay around to look after them (and yourself)!


#13

Yes I have 4 cats they are my babies since I don’t have human ones. I also have a dog who is blind but I my dog baby he is a sweet boy I love my pets dearly and think of them as my children. Thinking of getting a small pet like a hamster :hamster: maybe that will get me back in my room and I can quit sleeping on this uncomfortable couch. I avoid my room cause I have so many bad memories of having panic attacks. I just don’t feel comfortable up there like i used to. And that bothers me.