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I’m idiot lowlife that believe in crap

Yesterday one lowest point of my life, it got to point had go to ER for my anxiety and leave my job for time being.I posted some stupid shit on here.

Start I have not best insurance cause of the Obamacare sucks and it got I was getting some hurt that I see people vote for republicans. I’m trying over and over and over to get DBT therapy, but I could place that took my insurance till last night. I’m trying really hard to be less of shitty person. But keep failing and become a worst person.

It got to point where literally I just snap, could not find a bathroom ,cause of Covid . I was venting to my how the virus was fake and scream fuck the left. Then I was screaming at people wear mask and yelling at people while I was driving and speed. Cause I was anger at everything.

However, the crazy part. I know the virus is real and also wear a mask and wash my hands. But I think sick wording all time and just things to back to normal. Honestly I say shit that don’t mean, like the virus is not real and to honest some hateful stuff about group of people. There side of me not good and very hateful. Don’t my anxiety just trigger fuck up thoughts and beliefs.

It’s make feel like me shit , I say that did not care if people die from the virus. I wish take those words back and not yelling at people doing the right things. I even vote for guy I don’t like.

I’m sorry because the asshole I’m and hoping finally get help that I wanted.

Hey Metal.

That absolutely sucks, I am sorry you feel out of control.

I’m glad that you want to get better and that you are still trying to find someone to give you the DBT (I had to look it).

Do you know what it is that triggered you?

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It could be a bunch of things, as remembered I have broken finger which had hard time finding a place take me in, also talking politics with my mom, then I think want things to be normal again. The little situation can trigger bad emotions and I just freak out. I have a rage fit and get very aggressive. It like 3 year having a meltdown. I feel Covid made everything worst, for some weird reason, I start myself and mom that was not real. I felt I could even find place go to the bathroom cause of Covid.

The doctor said it could I was quarantined for so long, I got sick of it all