I’m just really tired

I can sleep, but I forgot how it feels to be well rested. I can breathe, but I’ve forgotten how to inhale. I could go to school, but I forgot how to be a student. I would be happy, but I don’t remember how. I can live, but where’s the fun in that? Existence is exhausting, and I don’t see the point in partaking of it.
I thought college would make me feel better, but as the TikTok psychics say, the algorithm changed my mind; all I see are college students suffering and dealing with the same problems I have, except it’s worse because now they’re expected to act like adults and be mature about it. Be mature about a society that fucking kills our friends—in schools, malls, parking lots. Be mature about a world that believes we can be successful as long as we retain an education, even at the costs of our mental health. Be mature about my shitty life, directly from childhood; mature about the constant sadness I’ve been exposed to since my conception. Be mature about the never ending oppression minorities will face, the oppression I’ve been a victim of.
In conclusion, I’ve never been fucking happy. Truly, genuinely happy. I really don’t remember the last time I’ve felt that particular emotion for more than a day. I don’t know if that said “time” even exists in my past, let alone my future. I’m supposedly so young, but I feel older than my peers. Older than most of the adults in my life. I feel like I’ve aged past my expiration date. There’s so much I could have experienced, yet I feel as though I’ve had enough. I don’t want to experience anything else.

Okay, in a non poetic-depressed-teenager-angst style, I just wanted to rant, and a lot of my rants come out in pieces… specifically like you’ve (maybe, if you’re actually here) read above.

Also, I don’t mind what people try to comment, if anyone does! Even if it’s in the form of support. I just didn’t want to bother others with the thought of having to help another internet stranger, so I didn’t choose that category.


I just want you to know from one stranger to another that you are never a bother. Your struggles and hurt are valid and deserve to be heard.

I know I can’t control the world around us, but I do offer my empathy because the unjust and unfairness that has plagued you shouldn’t happen.

My hope is those days when happiness does come in whatever form it may, that they provide you with hope. While it may not always be tangible and may not always be present for you in this time, that hope and that happiness is something that you deserve.


Thank you, I really appreciate this.


Thank you for stepping out and sharing here. What you have said rings true with so many in this community. You are not alone in what you are feeling. I hear you and what you are saying is so very valid. It feels so very difficult to find any happiness when the world keeps pushing at us from all angles.

You do deserve happiness, a good night’s sleep that leaves you actually refreshed and to have the time to figure out what you really want to do in this world. You deserve to not feel like you’ve outlived your expiration date - because unlike a carton of milk, you are of infinite value. It may not feel like it, but you have a place in this world and you have wisdom and life to share.

I don’t know if there are any mental health services on your campus or peer groups, but that may be a way to work through some of this pain and sadness. And we are always here anytime you want to talk or vent. I’m glad you found us.


This reply made me really happy, I appreciate it! I live in the middle of buttfuck (small town) so there aren’t amazing mental health services unfortunately, but I will definitely continue looking!