i guess i need to vent. so many people are staying in my house right now for over a month. it’s way too overwhelming for my anxiety and ocd. it’s really frustrating and tiring. i just want to leave this house, but i’m unable to get a job (reasons: no job available in a small town, have tried before). i just want to be able to move out and support myself, but i know that would be way too far from now. i planned on moving out with my friend, but they switched plans and are moving out with their brother. it’s good for them so they can heal mentally and such, i’m just sorta upset. i wish i was able to move out. i honestly don’t even think i can handle a job at this point, my mental illnesses are debilitating and disability is hard to get and sucks because it’s basically forced poverty. but anyway, i wouldn’t be able to handle it and at my last job all i got was people misgendering me and constantly doing everything to make me feel like shit and like i’m worthless compared to them. whatever, it’s “life”, but the people there almost made me hurt myself many times. either way, i know if i got a job here, i wouldn’t be able to support myself with the small amount of hours people here offer (considering they have like two jobs here, so it’s not much to pass around). i can’t afford meds or therapy. and to top it off, my family shames me for asking for food. i just can’t do it anymore. i want a way out, but i don’t have it. i wish i was able to do the whole “work from home tehe” but there are no offers here. i’ve even tried selling my art and the only way i ever get commissions is when i do 8 hours of work for $5 and it’s not fair. i’m so fucking tired of money controlling everything i do. i shouldn’t have to pay to live when i have no options to get the money to pay. life is a scam. what’s the point of living if all we’re doing is exhausting ourselves for the big companies just to get scraps to put food on the table. this turned into a bit of a different rant, but going back to my main topic. i can’t do this much longer if all i’m doing is constantly job hunting in an area with no jobs to no end. i can’t ask my family for help either, they would use it as leverage to be abusive and manipulative. i just want to detach myself from them and live a peaceful life. i don’t want to live a life of being malnourished because i’m scared to ask for proper food. i get it, i’m 19 and asking my family for food while living with them, i must seem like a deadbeat. but i’ve been trying my hardest to get a job for years with nothing out of it. i just wish someone could help me.
Thank you for reaching out, I hope you know how strong you are for coming here to vent and sharing your story with us. I understand your frustrations, its so hard feeling stuck in a place you don’t want to be and then you have hope and things change last minute, i understand that can be devastating. Im sorry you are struggling so much but its good you are here, because here you can get support and love and encouragement. Im not sure where you are from but have you ever tried to look up any free counseling services in your area? I know they are few and far between but it never hurts just to look.
Maybe when you are feeling overwhelmed or anxious you can focus on your art? Distracting myself with something im passionate about has helped me center myself in the past when I felt like i was spiraling.
Everyone here is here for you. You will always be met with open arms and open ears here, keep coming back.
Remember you are strong, you are special, i believe in you. You can keep going.
-Dani
thank you so much for responding to my post, it really means a lot. everything you said was super kind. i’m looking into free counseling, but i don’t really hope for much in my small town. unfortunately people here are very closed minded and well, i’m queer, but i will try.
All we can do is try our bests. Just keep doing that. I hope you come across something that can help. =)