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I’m need to rant ( warning talking about mess stuff, that I have done to get ther people.)

Before I talk about this, I want to warning this very sensitive toplic and don’t hurt anymore people. Please this offend anyone, it not my goal and don’t you to read this.

I’m not a good person, I done to women again, I sound fucking broken record and I’m selfish not admit my wrong. But I try to be honest and not be a fake.
My action came with a price of guilt and shame. I would do anything to redeem myself. To fix those mistakes and be a better man.

Again, I end a friendship recently and it did not end well. I self harm that day we fought, I was 7 months clean before that (also going to DBT therpy) .

We good friend for a while, for like 10 years. I always try to see the good in him, gave him rides, let him stay at my beach house and been there for him.

However kept harassing me to stay at my beach, I kept calmly telling him no. Then big fight would happen. It got so bad, I end the friendship, I had therapist told me he was not a good friend.

Recently, he drove by my house even live like hour away and his job is an hour alway. He been calling my mother and making her having problems with me.

I told about fuck up shit I did in my past. He kinda a two face and will trying bring that shit to other people. Also side there mess up shit about him, he laugh at a girl that has been assaulted (and knew the guy who did it) made a guy fell off his bike and laugh about it. Made a lot racist comments and my sister told me he was a creep.

Again, I know don’t deserve forgiveness for my past ( even selfish want it). But I trying every way to change from that person. Been doing DBT therapy, meditation and try fix my mistakes. I don’t pretent to be this perfect person. I’m sorry what I did and want to grow.

I have new job that could change everything for me, I work as a janitor at schools and I don’t want him to spread rumors about me around.

Last thing, he had nerve to tell I had anger issues, which may be true, but he knew that would hurt. These fucking asshole know, how bring me down to point I don’t even know my sanity.

This friend is dead to me.

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Your sorry for what you did and want to grow. You also believe that you don’t deserve forgiveness. That belief has you locked into a pattern of despair. If you want to grow, be aware that it’s nearly impossible as long as you are in a state of despair. You don’t deserve to be in a state of despair. You do deserve forgiveness. You need to forgive yourself as you would forgive others.

Everyone who has been alive for a while has a history of things they regret having done. Isn’t the regret itself evidence of outgrowing or having already outgrown those negative things?

If you recognize your mistakes, you are already a better man. After recognizing your mistakes, and decide to change, the guilt and shame no longer has a purpose. Guilt and shame that exists beyond that point, is disempowering, triggers despair, and makes change more difficult.

Regarding your sociopathic ex-friend, block his number on your mom’s phone as well as your own, but not before you tell him to stay away from you. Let others know that the two of you have had a falling out, and you want nothing further to do with him. After that, others around you are far less likely to take him seriously, and probably will think that he is just being an ass.

Every day is a new beginning, a new opportunity to see yourself in a more realistic and positive light. You don’t have to dwell on past regrets, because doing so makes it more difficult to see opportunities in the present.

You are a good person. That is proven by your self honesty, recognition of your mistakes and your willingness to change. Good people sometimes disappoint themselves, and for good reasons, but they are still good people. If we didn’t screw up sometimes, how would it be possible to empathize with the struggles other people have to deal with?

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