As I got home from work, I grabbed the blade I put it against my arm and I relapsed. But I’ll be honest I feel no shame right now. I’m not mad at myself I’m not upset. I feel relieved. I feel relaxed. And after all I’ve done I guess this is my pay back to myself.
But not only this I’m on muscle relaxers right now cause I got hurt, and I’ll be honestly I’m probably going to go take a little bit more than prescribed just so I can sleep. And I feel no shame for that either.
Have I just accepted that I’m a lost cause so I don’t care about relapsing anymore? That’s a scary place to be.
But I’ll be honest I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I’ll probably just delete it in the morning but yeah.
Be gentle with yourself my friend.
I used to cut to relieve from stress. But it’s not a healthy route. You don’t have to necessarily feel guilt or shame about it. You know, you weren’t feeling so hot, you did something that probably isn’t the healthiest course of action, BUT…tomorrow is a new day. Instead of beating yourself up anyway, try to start fresh tomorrow after a goods night rest. Try to avoid self destructive mental relief. In the long run it’ll just drag you down. You know?
But there’s no point in feeling shame anyway. It won’t help it, fix it or undo it. Tomorrow is another day where you can try again. And we will love you no less than before.
If you need to take a little extra to help you sleep, please be careful. Don’t get carried away. I’m sure you as an adult know the difference between taking 1 more to help sleep and taking too many. I know you have it in you to make healthy and sound decisions. I believe in you, Monkey.
Yes, As @anon17277947 Advised, Be Gentle With Yourself.
I Would Suggest This Even Though I Don’t Have The Struggle You Deal With.
Don’t Think Of Yourself As A “Lost Cause”
Because You’re Not.
People Can Trick Themselves Into Actually Believing That By Simply Saying Stuff Like That Repeatedly.
Try To Start Saying And Reminding Yourself To Say This Or Something Similar To This That You Prefer.
I Am Not A Lost Cause.
I Am Not Going To Hurt Myself.
I Am Love And I Am Loved.
I Am Stronger Than This.
This Negativity Will Soon Dissipate Like Ripples In A Pond And I Will Be As Calm And Smooth As The Water On A Clear Lake.
I Hope You Can Find Some Comfort In That.
Much Love And Hugz!
