I’m old fashioned

I’m old fashioned. Obviously it isn’t like this for most people anymore, but I still want to save sex for marriage. I’m not asexual, but for a multitude of reasons, I don’t want to have sex before I get married. A big part of it is trust; trust is something that has to be earned, it can’t just be given. Trust is something that takes time; it doesn’t just happen. I want to be able to trust someone completely, and if a person can wait months, years for me, without cheating or looking elsewhere, and still want me after all that time, that would be a HUGE factor in earning my trust. Another reason for my abstinence is I don’t want to get pregnant before I’m ready to have a family. Obviously there is birth control, but for health reasons as well as religious reasons, I’m not comfortable with using it. I also don’t want to risk STDs by being with someone I think I know well only to find out they lied to me (yes I know that can happen in marriage as well). I’m Catholic, so that also plays into the reasons for my abstinence from sex.

It’s not like I don’t feel sexually attracted to people (I happen to be a straight woman). It’s not like I don’t think about sex, it’s not like I don’t want it. If I were in a relationship, I would probably find it difficult to remain abstinent. It’s normal to want and to feel wanted whether someone is married or not. If I were married, I’d be willing to have sex with my partner if it was something we both wanted.

I just worry that I’ll never find someone I can love who will share these same values. I worry that even my closest of friends, if they find out I feel this way, would judge me, make fun of me, like me a lot less, or even flat out abandon me. I worry that people will tell me I’m being completely unrealistic; I’m worried that they’ll tell me my standards are way too high and that I’ll never find anyone because of what I want/don’t want in a dating or courtship relationship. I’m worried that people will only think of me as a child instead of a grown, adult woman. I feel lonely and alone because there’s no one I feel comfortable enough with to talk about this with them.

I’m not judging anyone else for their sexual choices because I know that everyone has their own needs and desires and that people are hopefully able to find someone who satisfies those needs. I just wish that there was someone out there who could understand me and not judge me for my own desires and choices. I wish there was someone out there who could love me the same way I love them.


I think you have to do what’s right for you. I think if you meet people from your church, you’ll have an easier time finding like-minded people. A lot of churches have singles get-togethers. I know at my friend’s church they would do non-intimidating things like go hiking with a group of people who happen to be single.

You have to live your life for yourself and not what would make other people happy. I’m sure there are things about their lives and what they’re doing that makes you scratch your head sometimes too :wink:

If your friends abandon you for living your life as you feel most comfortable, I’m sure it goes without saying–they weren’t your friends to begin with. I do think with depression though, we tend to catastrophize things. At least this has been my experience. My point is, your friends might surprise you :slight_smile: You love and accept them for their life choices, right? So why wouldn’t they do the same for you? :slight_smile:


Thank you for sharing. I think it’s awesome you know your values so well and stick by them. I also think there are more people that have those values, society just doesn’t always popularize those values like they do others. I know from my experience I have had similar values. In college I had a girlfriend and we had sex, and it ended up being one of those situations where I loved someone while they loved the idea of being loved by someone, but it wasn’t me after all. Knowing what I do now, I wish I wouldn’t have let our relationship move like it did physically as I can’t take that back now. Not to make this about me but I share this as a few years after that relationship fell apart I found someone very like minded as me that shared the values I have and even made some of the same relationship mistakes I had. In finding each other we found someone like minded so it can happen and your person is out there who’ll love you for you and your values!! And @Firefly makes a great point, if your friends leave you for who you are they weren’t the right friends for you.



Hello. Nice to meet you. Thank you for sharing. There is nothing wrong about saving yourself for marriage. God created sex for a married couple to enjoy each other and love each other. I have been single all of my life, and I do too want to save myself for marriage. Only God knows. I understand why you care about what others think about you. I am in the same boat as you. But you got to learn not let it get to you. You are living your life to please God. Not others. There is a man out there who will love you, values you, respects you, cares for you, who will be loyal, faithful, and encourage you. Prayer is good to start. I encourage you to love yourself. Love your values, wants, and needs. They are your’s. If you want to vent more, this forum is still open. I hope you are having a decent weekend. Thank you for reading this. God bless. Stay strong.

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