I’m on the edge

I don’t want to live anymore, I don’t want to keep going and I’m desperate for someone to understand.
My family barely acknowledges me anymore, my partner is tired of me, starting to side with the people who are cruel to me (I should clarify he doesn’t realize he’s doing it, I’m just too broken to tell him), my friends don’t bother with my depressive episodes anymore.
Everyone thinks I’m fake and dramatic, having a mental disability (not just depression and anxiety) is more of a burden than an understanding to them…
I’m broken, I’m lost, I want to die just to escape…even in my darkest times I never felt this alone or burdensome…
My health is garbage and I’m unmotivated by anything besides going to work to at least make the bills
I hate myself so much and it’s not getting better. I don’t feel like there’s any other way out

I wish I could tell you there was a way to make them understand, but I’m sorry, there isn’t. People like us aren’t meant to be understood. I’m not entirely sure I would want anyone to understand the way it feels to see death as the only solace. No, my friend. We aren’t meant to be understood by functional people at all. We are meant to love and be loved. That desperation and anxiety you feel is a representation of an overwhelming and misdirected love you both have and need. I don’t know you and I don’t know your friends and family, but from the bottom of my heart and the belly of my soul, I pray that you all can find a way to better communicate that love. I genuinely do. You deserve it. They deserve it. You deserve to love and be loved. It’s the only true escape from this life long self destruction.

I really hope I’m making sense and this isn’t coming across as silly or preachy. I’m glad you reached out. Thank you. I desperately needed to give some love today. I hope it finds you well. Peace.

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